Seven Years of Love
by hahagirl727
Summary: When Isabela and Varric make a deal to find Hawke and Carver love they never expected the deal to create two harrowing love stories that last for seven years. Takes place throughout the events of Dragon Age II (even between the acts) with multiple character pairings. Hawke(F)/Anders Carver/Merrill Isabela/Fenris
1. Lover's Month

**All belongs to the awesomeness of Bioware**

**A/N: So this is my first foray into DA fanfiction, I was super scared to write this because I feel I will not do this amazing series justice (har har har), but I hope you enjoy this! Please Rate and Review. Origins stuff is on the way as well :D. **

**Chapter 1**

The Hanged Man was crowded with people on the beginning of Lover's Month. Many of them were searching for someone to spend the night with or had already found one and were looking for a place to have a good time. The couples had populated to one side of the bar while the singles went to the other. On the couple's side of the bar, people were groping and kissing each other, while the singles could only look on.

Hawke absolutely loathed Lover's Month. This year she had decided to spend it by buying a pint for herself and some chocolates. Hawke usually didn't indulge because they needed that money for The Deep Roads expedition that was to set off in only a moth, but Hawke was feeling fairly miserable this Lover's Month. She sat on the single's side of the bar nursing her pint and looking at a wall she found rather interesting.

Past Lover's Months weren't so bad, under her mother's incredibly watchful eye her and Bethany were forbidden to go near boys. Mother wouldn't take any risks of them revealing their magic. Hawke and Bethany would usually spend Lover's Month together, going on a hike through the hills of Lothering or other sister bonding activates. Of course Mother had to go with them, but they didn't mind. They would talk about boys they had seen in the village and have a laugh about their silly crushes.

But now Bethany was gone. That blasted Ogre had killed her when they had been fleeing Lothering. It had all happened so quickly that Hawke did not even think to look in Bethany's direction when she charged at the monster. It had picked her up like a ragdoll and crushed her to smithereens. Hawke just wanted to sit and hold her sister in her arms forever, but there was no time. Bethany never even got a proper funeral. Hawke rested her head on the wooden table. She hadn't even thought about Bethany because they had been so busy with The Deep Roads preparations and the recruiting. Hawke ran a shaky hand through her long black hair as she thought of it. Bethany would never grow old, Bethany will never have the lavish wedding she had always dreamed about, and Bethany will never have children. Hawke squeezed her eyes shut desperate not to think about it, Bethany would want her to be happy, not some old shrew sitting in a tavern by herself during Lover's Month.

She then heard the bench squeak which caused her to lift her head. Carver sat down across from her with his own pint. Hawke smiled.

"Come to join your spinster sister in eternal loneliness?" Hawke quipped.

Caver gave her a small smile. Ever since Bethany had died the two became closer. He was still a tit, but Hawke tried her hardest to make sure he was welcome amongst her new friends. He greatly appreciated that even though he never showed it, just a smile from him meant the world to Hawke.

"I guess I am." He said.

"What, those nights at The Blooming Rose not enough for you?"

Carver's jaw then dropped, Hawke giggled. "How did you-"?

"Isabela," Hawke said.

"Maker, I'm going to kill that woman… Speaking of her, where is she?"

Hawke nodded over to the bar where Isabela currently searching for her next conquest. Isabela had already had a quickie with almost every man in Lowtown that night. Isabela then noticed Caver and Hawke sitting alone at a table near the back of the room. What a sad sight they were… Isabela had offered both of them her "services", which both of them had declined. It was a shame that Hawke didn't play for the other team. She was a goddess. Hawke was awkwardly tall, towering over almost everyone, but made up for it with this walk that turned men's heads. It was this strut that Isabela had tried to perfect, but failed. Only Hawke could walk like that. Whenever Isabela had asked Hawke for pointers she turned crimson and said she had no idea what Isabela was talking about. Hawke also had long black hair that went past her shoulders in waves. However, the best thing about Hawke were her eyes, they were a piercing blue, but had a glimmer of her trademark humor in them and a warmth that invited people. Isabela had wanted her from the first moment she saw her, but Hawke had said that she was only interested in men.

Isabela sauntered over to the table. Carver watched mesmerized. Isabela still wondered why he hadn't accepted her offer, he was obviously attracted to her, but it wasn't a real loss. He wasn't like his sister in the slightest, sure he looked a lot like her, but he didn't have that glimmer in his eyes or the strut in his step.

"What are my two kittens doing alone during Lover's Month?"

Hawke giggled at being called kitten. Carver looked away in embarrassment.

"Oh, can't a brother and sister have a pint without any other _company_?" Hawke said.

"They can, but I did invite everyone over to Varric's suite for a private party…"

Hawke's eyes widened.

"Not like that! Just a friendly game of Diamondback." Isabela said.

"Well, okay then… Count me in." Hawke said as she and Carver both followed Isabela to Varric's suite.

Varric sat reclined in his giant chair around his large table. It was big enough for all of Hawke's new friends to sit at.

Out of everyone Hawke had met on her journeys so far Varric and Isabela were the one's she bonded with the most. They were both funny and lighthearted like her. Whenever Hawke was feeling down she would just go to The Hanged Man and they would cheer her up in an instant. Although the countless nights at the Pub had been doing a number on Hawke.

She heard Varric speak causing her to lose her train of thought. "So, Rivaini why would you want to give up a very erotic night with many different partners just to play cards with friends who won't even sleep with you?"

Isabela laughed at that. "I just want to spend time without rutting…" Seeing Varric, Carver, and Hawke's expression Isabela threw up her arms in exasperation. "What?!"

"I never thought I would hear you say that…" Varric said.

Just then the door to Varric's suite opened and none other than Fenris entered. He regarded the room with a scowl and then sat down next to Isabela, looking right at Hawke.

"What are we playing?" He asked directly. Fenris was an elf of few words.

Varric said what they were playing and the game started. Hawke sat out, she had to stop losing her money to Isabela and Varric who kicked her ass at Diamondback every day. She instead looked at Fenris who was too concentrated to even care.

The elf was odd for lack of a better word. Hawke had felt sympathetic towards him, but whenever he started snapping at her for being a mage it took all of her self-control to not argue with him right in the streets of Kirkwall. She knew why he felt the way he felt, but his hatred was so blinding that Hawke wanted to slap him sometimes. Then again, he would just rip out her heart, so it didn't seem like a good plan. He was attractive though. Hawke had never really noticed elves, but he was strong and assertive, she could never picture herself in a loving relationship with the man. He wasn't that sweet or tender, those were things Hawke needed in a partner. She didn't want someone closed off emotionally like Fenris. She knew he was attracted to her when he complemented her at his mansion, but Hawke stayed neutral to the comment, not saying if she liked it or not. Hawke was never good at flirting and his compliment didn't help. Most boys in Lothering complimented her by telling she had a nice ass. Being called "capable" seemed just as romantic as the ass comments. She had punched those Lothering boys in the face, but that wouldn't help against Fenris. Besides Isabela already had her sights on him. Then again, Isabela had her sights on everyone.

One by one her companions arrived to engage in the game. When Merrill had arrived Carver had moved to give her a seat next to him. Hawke thought the secret torch Carver held for Merrill was adorable and Merrill always blushed in his presence. Maybe that was why Carver had rejected Isabela. He seemed very head over heels for Merrill at the moment and Hawke hoped they could work it out. She was a blood mage, but she meant well and Hawke was sure that with some kindness she could pull Merrill away from that lifestyle.

Then all of the sudden Hawke felt someone sit next to her. _Oh Maker no! _Her mind screamed. She didn't want to embarrass herself tonight. Why did he have to show up?

Anders had sat close to her at the table and joined the game. Hawke bit her lip from saying something stupid. Hawke had developed a crush on Anders from the first moment he had spun around in a dramatic fashion in his clinic. She was terrible with men and didn't even try to flirt with him for fear he found her ugly. There were her pick up lines… Dear Maker her pick up lines were horrible. She had thought of one when Anders was explaining his horrible situation and all Hawke could think was, "_Well that explains the whole sexy tortured look."_ Thank the Maker she held her tongue and was diplomatic towards him instead of using her humor. He would not have taken well to it. The only people who liked it were Varric and Isabela.

Then she had said something about making decisions with a true heart and he had flirted with her. She had to use everything she had from keeping her cheeks from lighting on fire. She had never been called beautiful before, she was a young adult, but had stayed away from men altogether because of her mother and _Peter. _But she didn't even think about Peter when she saw Anders. Peter had never once called her beautiful or kind or wise. She had decided to flirt back telling him not to stop, but he had pushed her away with a warning of breaking her heart. Hawke had left the clinic completely humiliated and tried to stay away from him ever since. But it was so damn hard, she needed a healer because she couldn't heal at all and when Merrill healed it felt like fire was touching your skin. So he went almost everywhere with her and the awkwardness of their meeting faded away with Hawke deducing that he just wasn't into her. It was fine, she would get over it, but there were these moments when something in his eyes told her otherwise. She shook it off, deeming it her own silly imagination. Anders was a good friend and there was no need to spoil that. Even if he had a spirit in his mind it didn't seem to make him that dangerous to the people around him. Hawke had not seen an outbreak since that night in the Chantry.

Hawke drowned her fourth mug of ale, feeling the world start to spin around her. "I need to take a walk," She slurred. The fact that the world was spinning wasn't a good sign and she needed air. Hawke got up and tried to keep her footing as she walked out of Varric's Suite, but ended up passing out on her way out the door.

OOO

Carver was the first to run to her and after seeing she was still breathing, heaved a sigh of relief. She just drank too much; there was nothing wrong with her. After loosing Bethany, Carver could never know when someone you loved could be taken away from you.

"Are you alright?" A distressed voice asked below him.

He looked over to see that Anders had gotten down on his knees and was cradling Hawke gently in his arms. Carver hated the blasted mage for many reasons. The first was that he would never shut up about the mages, Carver much preferred Merrill's company for she spoke of Dalish legends or her time in Ferelden instead of the stupid mage plight. The man would never stop talking about it and yet his sister was always doting on him. Carver saw the way her sister looked at that mage and thought nothing of it until he saw the way that mage looked at her. The desire that burned in Anders beady eyes sent a flare of overprotectiveness through Carver. The last thing he needed was an abomination breaking his sister's heart. After _Peter _he never wanted to see his sister crumpled up on the ground crying her eyes out again.

Hawke's eyes fluttered opened and looked at Anders. A goofy smile spread over her face. "I'm fine… I just…" She promptly turned over to her side and threw up. Isabela chuckled.

"You're fine, just a bit tipsy," Anders said.

Hawke giggled. "You are to kind. Tipsy does not even begin to describe it." She tried to get up, but fell right back into Anders' arms. "I should get home… Mother will be worried."

"What about Gamlen?" Merrill asked. Merrill was only one who felt sympathy towards Gamlen. She would often stop by his house to deliver food for him. Carver realized that Merrill had put her hand on his arm and he felt a blush spread through him.

Caver had first seen Merrill on the hill by Sundermount crouched over a strange object. At first he found her odd and then outright dangerous when she had used blood magic. He was ready to cut her down right then and there when Hawke had stopped him. When Merrill came to join their party Carver had become furious calling Hawke a blood magic supporter. Hawke had said that if he got to know her he would like her. Well Hawke was right, as always. Carver started showing up to her house to speak and Merrill was more than happy when he came around. Most of his companions couldn't stand the sight of Merrill. Isabela and Varric were the only one's who looked past her blood magic and they treated her like a little sister. Carver found himself growing a liking to Merrill and then that was even growing. He would blush around her and say stupid things. He hadn't acted like that since his Lothering days with Peaches.

"Gamlen can sod off," Hawke said. Then with Anders help she got to her feet. "Can you walk me home?" She asked him.

"I umm…" The mage's face went completely white and his hands trembled. Carver was going to puke. "Of course."

"Carver?" He heard from behind him. He turned to face Merrill who looked at him with her big green eyes. "I lost my ball of twine again, could you help me find my way home?"

Carver could have sworn when he saw Varric wink. _Maker help me, _Carver thought as Merrill took his arm they walked out of The Hanged Man.

OOO

When Fenris had left in his usual broodiness, Isabela and Varric were alone. As soon as the last patrons of The Hanged Man left Varric and Isabela burst out laughing. Isabela laughed till tears rolled down her cheeks and Varric had to clutch the sides of his chair for support.

"Did you see them?" Isabela said when she caught her breath. "Hawke is hopelessly in love Anders and he can't even form a proper sentence around her."

"Do you think that's bad? What about Junior and Daisy? She obviously likes him and he doesn't have the guts to tell her anything."

Isabela chuckled. "I do feel sorry for them."

Varric leaned back in his chair. "I have an idea."

"Oh, do tell!"

"All four of them are too scared to actually say they like each other. Why don't we help them?"

"Ah, Varric I had no idea you were a romantic."

"I'm a storyteller Rivaini. Storytellers and romantics go hand in hand."

Isabela raised an eyebrow at Varric's unintentional innuendo and he rolled his eyes. Isabela stuck out her hand.

"Varric Tethras, Paragon of Manliness. I swear on my new ship, which has yet to arrive that I will help our friends find a good romp or something more."

Varric shook her hand. The deal was set.


	2. Walks in the Dark

**All belongs to the awesomeness of Bioware**

**A/N: Even after playing DA2 for the tenth time I am still watching a bunch of videos on Youtube for research, my head might explode if I watch one more Anders tribute. Also this chapter is not as funny as the first because Anders is a serious sally, but do not worry Varric and Isabela will save the day! Anyway hope you enjoy :D**

**Chapter 2**

Anders knew that he was completely infatuated with Hawke from the moment she uttered the words "Keep telling me I'm beautiful." His inappropriate comment did not seem to faze her. She even enjoyed it urging him to say more. The Old Anders would have complied whispering things in her ear that would make her squeal. He would have had her in his bed in no time. But the New Anders tried to fumble his way out of the situation making it seem like he didn't find her attractive. It was for the best, his own life was already ruined he couldn't bear to ruin hers as well.

He tried to stay away, to not become part of her group, but it had happened so quickly that he hadn't even noticed. She would invite him on some of her adventures and he wouldn't refuse. He should have, his mind told him that it was a worthless distraction. He almost laughed, his mind. It wasn't his mind anymore. It was Justice's mind to. He never directly heard Justice's thoughts, but there were ideas that he knew were not his. He used to wonder if it was just Justice making him believe he still had control.

He stopped wondering that when he started to have the dreams. He would always dream of the same thing, his mind was usually occupied by the mages plight, but at night all he could see was Hawke. Many different scenarios would play in his head, many dirty things that would make even Isabela blush. All of them ended with Hawke whispering something, but he could not decipher what that was. This is how he knew he had a mind of his own. Hawke was the only thing that made Anders sure he wasn't crazy. That was why he was starting to fall in love with her.

It scared him. The Old Anders would have just bedded her and then moved on to something else. She wasn't that special and rather plain looking, but to the New Anders she was the most beautiful woman he had ever seen. She was just perfect. She was kind, had a sense of humor, could fight in battles and was understanding towards everyone she knew. The thought of seeing those wonderful eyes twisted in pain by any action he performed was just too much. This is why they could never be together. She deserved a life, a husband, and children. All things Anders could never give her. All he could contribute was a broken heart and a changed world.

"Anders?" Hawke said sleepily from his side. He had been carrying her back to Gamlen's hovel, it didn't help that Hawke's body had been pressed to his the entire trip. It was taking all his willpower to not slam her up against one of the walls and kiss her. She looked especially beautiful tonight, her hair perfectly framed her face, her eyes held a dreamy look, and her curves were noticeable under the full moon. Drunk looked good on her, which was more than he could say for others. When Merrill got drunk once she had turned into a crazy person and tried to hide under the table for fear that someone would steal her scarf.

"Yes Hawke?"

"Do you dream about things?"

Anders heart went into his throat. If she knew about the things he dreamed she would leave in disgust or worse want to reenact his dreams and that would completely crumble his resolve. "Sometimes," he managed to croak out.

"That's nice because I dream about things… I dream about my family, my friends, and cheese!" Hawke said her eyes lighting up.

"Cheese?" Maker she really was drunk…

"Mmmmm, yes cheese! I dream someday of being a noble and eating fancy cheese…"

"That's a good dream Hawke," Anders said trying not to laugh. She was going to regret saying these things in the morning.

They both approached Gamlen's hovel, it still smelled of horseshit and wine. Anders brought Hawke to the door and rapped lightly on it waiting for Leandra to answer. Then Hawke did something unexpected. She leaned in to Anders and gave him a big slobbery kiss on the cheek.

If the world suddenly caught fire he wouldn't have even cared. Hawke then titled her head upwards, expecting something in return, but all Anders could do is stare. He started to lift his hands to caress her face and give in. The door then promptly opened saving Anders from taking her right there. He dropped his hands and Leandra stood in the doorway with a nightgown and a worried expression on her face.

"Oh my baby! Thank you messere…" She said trying to remember his name as she pulled Hawke into a motherly hug.

"Anders."

"Thank you," she said then she noticed Ander's obvious blush that was visible even in the dead of night. "You don't happen to know where my son is?"

"He's out walking a friend home."

Leandra heaved a sigh of relief and brought Hawke into the house. She gave Anders a knowing glance before she shut the door severing the connection between Anders and Hawke.

As he walked back to Darktown he wondered how much longer he could go on like this. He couldn't leave Kirkwall. He had an obligation to save the mages. The mages were getting farther and farther from his mind these days. Justice hated it. He tried to force ugly pictures of Hawke into his mind to no avail. To Justice she was a distraction, the worst kind of Desire Daemon. Anders didn't even care, if she was a Desire Daemon he had already fallen under her ruse. He wanted her so bad that it was beginning to hurt. He wouldn't know what to do if he saw her with another man, but then again he had sent her away. His mind kept shifting back and forth in an eternal argument about her. One side told him no the other told him yes. It was maddening his want and his distaste for her at the same time. He had never felt this way about anyone, not even Karl. This burning passion kept him from doing anything.

_What a selfish man I am…_ He thought as he made the rest of the trek to Darktown with his mind silent.

OOO

Varric and Isabela watched from the shadows as Hawke had kissed Anders on the cheek. Anders started to lift his hands for her face.

"Not where I'd be putting my hands, but maybe they won't need our help after all…" Isabela said.

Then the door had opened and Anders recoiled away from Hawke like she was vermin. Leandra then carried her inside leaving Anders alone in the dark.

"Makerdammit Leandra!" Varric said. "We almost had them!"

Isabela sighed. "It's not Hawke we need to worry about, it's him." She said regarding Anders who looked miserable.

"I swear that whole I'll hurt you thing lost its charm ever since the Immortal Dream novels stopped selling…" Varric said.

'Why have they stop selling?"

"That's because nothing can beat Hard in Hightown…"

Isabela laughed. "Let's go see how Bonehead is doing with Merrill."

As they walked towards the Alienage Varric started to chuckle. "Rivaini, did you just bestow another nickname on Junior?"

"And if I did?"

"Well here's the thing, I'm the one telling the story so Bonehead probably won't be mentioned in my novelization of this epic romance."

Isabela smiled. "You're writing a novel?"

"Of course! I'm calling it the Hawke and the desperate mage. Part two will be called the jealous brother and adorable elf. Let's go I can see Junior and Daisy." Varric said and then he took off into a sprint

Isabela laughed again. She was glad to have a friend like Varric. Their so few lighthearted people left…

She chased after him.

**A/N #2: I slaved all night to get this done and I am so glad that I wrote it :D. Also I am not comparing Dragon Age to Twilight with the Immortal Dream joke, I simply made that joke off of a Youtube comment of someone saying Ander's dialogue comes straight out of Twilight (a statement which I disagree on) and hundreds of other Yotubers proceeded to attack this person. Also I like to think that Hawke has an affinity for fancy cheese (just like Alistair xD). Hope you liked it, hilarious fluff with Merrill and Carver next. Please Rate and Review.**


	3. Ma Vhenan

**All belongs to the awesomeness of Bioware**

**A/N: Okay maybe not the hilarity I promised… I went in a different direction in this chapter because I wanted Carver and Merrill to bond over something serious. Sorry for the long wait had to rewrite the whole thing for my serious direction, but a little of Varric and Isabela will lighten the mood. **

**Chapter 3**

The walk to Merrill's home was much longer than Carver expected. This was because Merrill had to stop every five seconds to look at a flower or some trash on the ground. Not that Carver minded, he thought it was adorable they way she inspected everything, but his eyelids were beginning to droop. It was well past midnight and the moon was starting to disappear into the clouds. Merrill was deathly afraid of the dark, he had found this out because of how uncomfortable she seemed in caves and she told him she was terrified that monsters will come and grab her. It puzzled Carver how a supposedly evil and malicious blood mage could be afraid of so many things.

They were outside the gates to the Alienage, which had been shut at nighttime as they always had.

Carver approached the man guarding the door with Merrill cowering behind him. "Excuse me, could you open the gates?" He asked.

The man straightened up, he obviously drunk and Carver kept his hand near his sword. "Sure, but for a price boyo," the guard said his eyes going towards Merrill. They were both shrouded in darkness so the guard couldn't get a clear look at her, but he knew she was an elf.

"I'll open the gates if you let me have that knife-ear," he took a step towards Merrill, who clutched Carver's arm. It was obvious she was shaking. The guard's eyes raked over Merrill's petite form.

Carver did not even give a second thought before punching the man directly in the jaw, causing him to slam his head against the gate. He was knocked out and probably wouldn't remember any of this. Carver heard footsteps of more guards, who must have heard the noise. He took Merrill's arm and led her into an alleyway hiding from the guards. The alleyway was lit better than the rest of Lowtown. The moon shined directly on Carver and Merrill.

He then noticed she was crying. Silent tears ran down her cheeks and she was trying her best not to sob. Carver boldly stood in front of her and brushed them off her tattooed cheeks. Merrill looked up at him with her big green eyes shinning. Carver then pulled away standing next to her, this wasn't a good idea. She was a blood mage and nothing but trouble. Yet she made him feel different than anyone had ever had before. He remembered a conversation they had a few days ago in the Lowtown market.

_OOO_

_ "__So, you're not like a lot of other girls." Carver had said._

_ "__No, I'm an elf." Merrill had replied she seemed distracted with a candy apple a merchant had sold her._

_ "__Right, alright then." He said. He was terribly embarrassed. His attempts to flirt with him always went over her head and he had just guessed she didn't feel the way he felt about her._

_ Merrill__ then looked up from her candy apple at Carver, her eyes widening. "Oh, did I miss something dirty?"_

_ Carver__ prayed to the Maker that he hadn't put her off. "What? No! It wasn't dirty. It wasn't anything."_

_Merrill__ blushed. "Oh? Right, because I miss a lot of dirty things and sometimes I wouldn't mind hearing them."_

_Carver__ noticed her blush and leaned in close to her. "Would you now?" He said in a flirtatious tone that he used with the Lothering girls and Isabela._

_Merrill was about to respond when Hawke had called to them from across the market. Merrill scurried off dropping her candy apple on the way cheeks flaming. Carver cursed her sister at that moment and followed her._

_OOO_

"Are you alright?" He asked her. Merrill was wiping tears away from her eyes.

She shook her head and then started to sob. Her crying was rather loud and her body trembled violently. Carver was going to put a hand on her shoulder but she ended up collapsing in arms instead. Merrill cried into his shirt and pressed her body to his. Carver had no idea what to do. He wasn't an expert with women's emotions, the only women he had seen cry were Hawke, Bethany and his mother. He had no clue how to comfort them, how could he comfort the girl he had a crush on? When her tears were spent she looked up at him, her lips were parted and Carver was very tempted to kiss her.

"Carver?"

"Yes."

"What's a knife-ear?"

Carver gaped at her. He supposed that living with the Dalish all her life she had never heard that word. She was so innocent. Carver wanted to hold her and make sure she was okay forever. He had to be honest with her, he owed her that much. "It's a racial slur for the elves," he said quietly.

Merrill cried a little bit more. "Of course it is. I thought life outside the Dalish would be better than this… This is a nightmare," she sobbed. She began to beat her tiny fists against his chest.

Carver then took her chin in his hand and lifted her face to look at him. His heart was pounding in his chest and he heard Merrill take a breath. "Merrill, it's alright." He said.

Merrill then leaped forward to kiss him, but missed and planted her lips on his jaw instead. She turned crimson at her mistake as she wriggled away from Carver's embrace. Merrill had never even kissed a boy before and she knew that Carver had done more than kiss girls.

She liked him a lot. Her companions didn't really like her all that much, with the exception of Hawke, Isabela and Varric who were very sweet to her. Merrill had first seen Carver and thought he looked odd with his square jaw and giant arms. She rarely saw humans, but the one's she had seen did not look like Carver. When she had revealed her blood magic Carver had sent her a glare that made her shake. Hawke had then put a hand on his arm and calmed him. Carver acted very hostile towards her at first. He constantly reached for his sword whenever Merrill even tried to use any kind of magic, but then all of the sudden, Carver started showing up to her house. They would have conversations about Ferelden and when Merrill became more comfortable she would tell Dalish stories. Carver would talk about Lothering and they would laugh. For just a few hours Merrill could forget about the horrible place she lived in. That was why she was falling for Carver, but she was just so inexperienced she feared he wouldn't like her.

Carver stood in his place and couldn't even move as Merrill pulled away from him. _She kissed me!_ His mind raced. Well not really, but he didn't complain. He wanted to grab her and kiss her back, but all he could choke out was. "I think the guards are gone, I'll take you home."

Merrill gave him a smile as they walked back to the gates. The guard Carver had knocked out was gone and the gates were left open for them. Carver's was so distracting by the heat on his jaw where Merrill had kissed him that he didn't even notice how peculiar the situation was.

As they stood in front of Merrill's door she patted his shoulder and started to walk inside her house, but turned around and hugged Carver.

"Thank you Lethallin," she said. She wanted to say Ma Vhenan, but she had no idea if this was just a crush or if he was worthy of that affection. She had never felt this way before about a human. She remembered back in Ferelden she was in love with a member of her clan Tamlen. He was so kind and caring towards her, even when she had been a total prude. She remembered that when everyone in her clan was marrying off, Merrill had become bitter and buried herself in books. Only Tamlen was the one to get through to her, but he was in love with Mahariel and did not share Merrill's feelings. She had told him of her feelings one night by the fire, but Tamlen thought she had too much to drink at the last celebration and shrugged off her confession. Merrill had been furious since that night. She hated Mahariel with every fiber of her being for having Tamlen's love. When Mahariel had died from the Darkspawn taint Merrill had been by her side.

"_If you ever see Tamlen again… Tell him I love him," Mahariel had said._

She then died in Merrill's arms and Merrill had dug her fingernails into her palms until they bled. It was the first time she ever attempted blood magic to try and save Mahariel. She regretted hating Mahariel and vowed to never hate anyone again, no matter how cruel they could be. She would be kind to everyone. It pained her to think they had never found Tamlen that him and Mahariel could never be together. She prayed to The Creators that they found each other after death.

She closed the door, forgetting Tamlen and thinking about Carver.

OOO

Isabela had promptly disposed of the guard after the beating he had received. It was Varric who had stopped her from killing the bastard and instead she went to open the gates for Merrill and Carver. She watched them walk to the door together and Merrill bade him goodbye. She shut the door as Carver rubbed his jaw.

"They are going to need more help than I anticipated," Varric said.

"Time for some very desperate measures," Isabela said


	4. I Love You

**All belongs to the awesomeness of Bioware**

**a/n: I made a few boo-boos on this chapter so I edited and re-uploaded. Sorry for that.**

**Chapter 4**

Maker Isabela hated that elf. She would stare into Fenris's beautiful glassy eyes and find nothing but indifference. She wasn't used to it at all. Usually people fawned over Isabella or pushed her away, but indifference was an emotion she never got from anyone and it drove her crazy. She tried to use her charms on him, but to no avail. She hadn't spent this kind of effort on a man or woman in years.

Fenris, Isabela, and Varric were all playing Diamondback waiting for the others to show up when Isabela leaned over close to Fenris making sure her assets were close to him.

Fenris noticed this and almost sighed. He looked around the room trying to find a different source of conversation. Isabela was a beautiful woman, but Fenris didn't want or need a relationship at the moment. "So this relic you mentioned losing..."

Isabela leaned in closer fluttering her eyelashes. "You have pretty eyes."

Fenris was taken back by the compliment. Out of all the men and women he had seen Isabela with she had never given them a compliment like that. "I... have pretty eyes."

Isabela looked satisfied at his confusion. "You elves have such pretty eyes, even the men. It makes me want to pluck them out and wear them as a necklace."

Fenris scowled, but the remark made him feel warm nonetheless. "I wouldn't suggest trying."

"Oh, I would never try. Not without reason, of course." She brushed her lips against his neck, causing his Lyrium marks to burn. He scooted away.

"Forget I said anything." He said getting up and exiting the room.

Isabela giggled and Varric joined. "Not you to Rivaini! We already have the Hawke siblings to deal with."

Isabela waved a hand. "Don't you worry Varric, I'm only going after Fenris because you won't be with me."

Varric shrugged playfully. "Sorry Rivaini… My heart belongs to only one."

Isabela leaned across the table. "Oh Bianca can join, besides I wonder if she'd like a woman's touch on her trigger." She said seductively.

"Stop it, you're confusing her and me," Varric said with a grin.

Then Fenris had returned and didn't even mention the talk he and Isabela had mere minutes ago. All that Varric noticed was that he was looking with Isabela differently. It looked as if desire was in his eyes, but it was hard to tell with Fenris, as always. _Another one for the novel, _Varric thought.

OOO

The sun was setting, but you wouldn't know it in Darktown. Hawke had gotten an urgent letter. There was an incident with some Starkhaven mages and she thought that Anders would like to know. She was setting out to The Wounded Coast to sort this out tomorrow. Maker, she needed a drink. Her head was pounding and she knew the inevitable arguing between Fenris and Anders was just going to make it worse.

She knocked on the door. The lanterns weren't extinguished yet, so he was still open.

"Anders, I am not a Templar here to kill you so I am coming in!" Hawke pronounced entering his clinic.

The clinic wasn't as busy as it had been a few weeks ago. A bout of the flue spread through all of Kirkwall and Anders had been at his clinic for weeks. Hawke hadn't seen him since the night he had walked her home. She remembered bits and pieces of the conversation they had. Cheese was mentioned and Hawke hoped he didn't remember as much as she did.

She worried for Anders. There were nights when she knew he didn't sleep. He often had dark circles under his eyes and he seemed to be getting weaker and weaker by the day. The only thing that made him smile these days was when Hawke had visited. She hadn't been able to recently because all her work for gathering her money for The Deep Roads left her little time to sleep herself. The trip was in a week's time and this would be her last chance to get the money she needed. She closed the clinic door behind her and called his name again.

OOOO

Anders awoke with the sound of his name being called. He had left the lanterns on and this must be a patient. Ever since Isabela had moved into town he had been getting a lot more patients with strange itches that he had to treat.

He had fallen asleep on his manifesto for the fourth time today. He really needed to get this done, but every time he wrote one word his mind would drift off and he would fall asleep. The pages of the manifesto served as a good pillow.

Hawke haunted his dreams again tonight. It had become sort of a nightly ritual for him. Tonight's dream had been especially dirty and she had whispered the same phrase to him. He had finally figured out what it was, it was as if a section of his mind allowed him to see it. Maybe Justice had been withholding it from him. When the fantasy had ended she was breathless and whispered against his lips "I love you."

Anders groaned. He wasn't sure if he loved Hawke, it was just a physical thing… Right? This was so damn frustrating. He would switch from wanting to be with her from not wanting to hurt her. His subconscious constantly taunted him with both decisions. The Old Anders would have found it amusing. The New Anders found it more like torture.

Then again The Old Anders would not have even found Hawke attractive. The Old Anders would have seen her as a plain childlike girl with big doe like eyes and self-consciousness that could be seen from a mile away. He probably would have bedded her for she had fantastic curves, but would have left by morning never to be heard from again. Always running. The Old Anders liked girls much shorter than him, with sharp features and experienced in bed. Hawke was not someone The Old Anders would have enjoyed. Yet, The New Anders was halfway in love with her.

Anders nearly slammed his head on the table for admitting such foolishness. The main priority was the mages and nothing else. He couldn't be distracted. He couldn't love her. He would just hurt her and she deserved so much more.

Anders got up to answer the guest calling his name and almost fainted when Hawke was standing there inspecting his potions. She was dressed in the same Smuggler's Gear from when he first met her, yet the clothing did not look or smell old. Her long hair was tied in a loose ponytail causing a bunch of black strands to fall over her face. Her porcelain skin was radiant in the dim candlelight of the clinic. _Andratse help me! Why is she so beautiful?_ He thought.

"Hawke, is there something I can help you with?" He asked keeping his composure.

"Ah, there's my favorite mage!" She said walking slowly over to him. Anders gulped. "So, how would you like to organize a rescue mission?"

"Rescue mission?"

"Mages from Starkhaven are being hunted by Templars and I'm going to save them." She said.

Anders' heart ached. She supported his cause with passion and if her beauty wasn't enough she believed in him to. In all the women he had met in his life he had never known anyone like her. He needed to stop. If he kept letting her get to him he would break her heart.

"When and where?" He asked.

"The Wounded Coast, tomorrow. They'll be safe for tonight, the Templars don't plan to jump on them until it's light."

"How do you know all this?" He asked.

"A Templar named Thrask is aiding me, he wishes this not to end in violence."

A Templar… That wasn't good, for all he knew this could be a trick and this "Thrask" could take Hawke for trying to help mages. A picture of Hawke with the mark of the Tranquil seeped into his mind. _This is why you're fighting, to free her not to have her. _His mind told him. _Can't I have both? _He said back as if he could have a conversation with his own mind. There was an extra passenger in there, sending him thoughts he knew were not his. He knew how Justice felt about Hawke. Actually the spirit felt nothing towards her. All he knew was that she was a distraction. The mages were all Justice thought about.

"A Templar? Hawke you can't-"

She silenced him by placing her fingers on his lips. "Anders, you need to stop worrying. I'm not a fragile doll. I've worked for Smugglers for the Maker's sake! I've killed over two hundred ridiculously giant spiders! I will be fine against a Templar and if you're right I'll be sure to give you five sovereigns when you rescue me." Hawke said with a grin.

Anders barely heard what she was saying. Her fingers on his lips were all his mind focused on. It was a heat that sent shockwaves throughout his entire body. He had to do everything he could to not give into his burning desires.

Before he could do anything Hawke's fingers dropped from his lips. She blushed, obviously seeing his expression and his lack of speaking.

"Don't joke about being caught by the Templars," he said softly, he couldn't let her hear the huskiness in his voice.

Her expression became sad. "I'm sorry… People usually get annoyed by my humor…" She said softly.

Anders saw how hurt she was. "No! It's not that! I lo- enjoy your humor. Just the subject of Templar's is a bit sensitive for me."

Hawke gave him a joyous smile and stepped closer to him, her chest brushing against his coat. "I noticed."

_Sweet. Holy. Maker. _Anders promptly took a step back trying to forget the heat that came off her perfect skin. He rubbed the back of his neck to calm his senses. "So tomorrow?" He squeaked.

Another smile. "Don't miss me," she said as she left the clinic.

Before she closed his door, she turned around. "Thank you Anders. You've been a good friend when you don't have to be. You have no idea how much you mean to all of us, even if some of us don't show it."

Then she was gone leaving Anders to his own misery. The word _friend _would haunt him tonight.

OOO

They had reached the mages in the cavern. Anders was nervous. He wondered if Hawke would let these mages go free. The woman Grace was pleading her to kill the Templar Thrask. The look on Hawke's face sent worry through him. Would she turn her own kind over to the Templars?

Fenris was waiting as Hawke was making her decision. Anders hated the way the elf's lips curled when he looked at mages. The thing that nearly sent Anders over the edge was when he saw Fenris giving Hawke more than friendly glances. _Why should I care? I sent her away… _But the thought of her with that elf sent him into a rage. He felt a tap on his shoulder as he was glaring at the elf.

Varric sent him a smirk, but said nothing. His look said it all. "You want her and can't stand her with someone else…" Maker that man knew far too much.

His thoughts were interrupted by Hawke's words. "Leave it to me, as soon as I'm done this Templar will be swearing that the sky is green."

She was going to save them.

Anders' heart exploded in his chest. It was there at that moment when he knew that he loved her with every fiber of his being. This was the point of no return. He would do anything she asked, be anything she wanted, and would do anything to please her. He would cut down all who threatened her or tried to hurt her. It was as if everything in the world disappeared and there was only Hawke the woman he loved. There were no Templars, no mages, no plight, just them standing in a cave. She smiled to him causing electricity to flow through his body that no magic could bring.

He would be there for her always…. But as a friend… He loved her so much that he couldn't bear to be the one who hurt her, so he must keep his distance. He had to stop traveling with her, but he was weak. He couldn't give into his love, but he couldn't abandon her. She needed a healer and with her he had another purpose other than the mages. His other purpose was to protect Hawke no matter the cost, not to love her.

Before he knew it he was outside the cave. Hawke's lie about the mages leader escaping actually worked and the Templars took off. She giggled to herself at their stupidity. Thrask gave her a quick nod of thanks before following them. Grace had come from the cave and gave Hawke her staff.

Then everyone was gone. Leaving Fenris, Hawke, Varric, and Anders alone.

Fenris turned angrily to Hawke. "How could you let those maleficarum walk free?!"

"Fenris, last we checked their leader was a maleficar not the group," Hawke said calmly with her usual sarcastic tone staying in tact. Out of everyone in the group Hawke and Isabela were the only two people to ever get Fenris to calm down. He didn't let up this time.

"You don't know that!" Fenris yelled. Anders prayed the Templars didn't hear that.

Hawke rolled her eyes and started to walk away from Fenris. "You mages are all the same, blind to all truth…" He said. His tone was quiet and menacing.

Before Anders could pounce Hawke did it for him. She ran up to Fenris going nose to nose with him. His tattoos started to flare and Anders was going to attack until Varric grabbed his arm stopping him.

"Shut up Fenris! Honestly I save you time and time again and all you do is doubt me! Look I get it you hate mages! I would to if I were you, but you have to start trusting me a bit more…" She said.

Anders was terrified that Fenris was going to kill her, but instead his posture relaxed and he lowered his head. "Forgive me Hawke," Fenris said.

She touched his arm lightly and he looked at her. "No problem, just trust me a bit okay." Hawke smiled before skipping ahead of them.

Anders' stomach dropped. She wanted the elf, the way she touched him made Anders sick. Hawke had touched him like that to. Maybe it was just a friendly thing, but Fenris would not reject her advances like Anders had. If Fenris wanted her Fenris would have her.

Hawke's voice drifted from the side of the coast. "Come on guys! Do I look like the leader of this merry band of misfits? Oh wait… I am!"

Fenris smiled. Maker's breath he actually smiled! He started to go in Hawke's direction when he turned towards Anders, smile disappearing from his face.

"Are you coming?" He asked his voice annoyed.

Anders nodded and followed him.

**A/N: Poor Anders, that is all.**


	5. Ma Lath

**All belongs to the awesomeness of Bioware**

**Chapter 5**

Hawke hadn't returned from The Wounded Coast yet. Not that Carver was worried, his sister was grown up she could take care of herself. The sun was setting and he was to meet Merrill by the docks for a panic. He had received two notes on the desk that morning.

One was in Merrill's adorably small handwriting.

_Dear Lethallin,_

_I have some extra food left over from the basket Isabela gave me last night and I was hoping to share it with you. You do like to eat, not that I'm saying your fat, I just see you eat a lot with those arms shoveling food and… It suddenly just got very warm in my house so I should stop writing…_

_Meet me at sunset by the docks._

_L _

_Merrill_

Carver saw that she had scratched out the letter L before she wrote her name. Was she going to write love? After that night when he walked her home they have been progressively spending more time together. She still was deathly afraid of guards by the Alienage and Carver found himself walking her home every night. Nothing would come of it thought, after their almost first kiss; Merrill had not made any advances towards him. Carver was far too scared she would reject him if he tried anything. This picnic would be a good place to clear the air.

The second letter he got at the desk was from Peaches.

_My darling Carver,_

_I miss you so much! When are you coming back to Ferelden? The Blight is over and the darkspawn are gone! There's nothing to be afraid of... not that you'd ever be afraid, bravest-man-I've-ever-known!_

_We're not going back to Lothering. I hear the land is poisoned or something. Father is raising money for a new farm in the Bannorn. I don't know when that'll happen, but he's working very hard. We're living with my aunt in Denerim, so please send your letters there._

_Why haven't you been writing, Carver? Did you find another girl in the Free Marches? Remember: no girl will ever do what I did for you behind Barlin's shed that time. You just think about that!_

_Write me soon! I love you! _

_-Peaches_

Peaches… Carver's stomach twisted at the thought. Peaches, was the sweetest girl in Lothering. She had curly blonde hair, freckles that dotted her entire body, and a sunny deposition. She wasn't very smart, but Carver didn't care, he had a crush on her since he was ten and had always helped around her father's farm to get her attention. It was his eighteenth birthday when Peaches had approached him after his party. He was bit tipsy because his friends had taken him to the local tavern and he remembered that a redheaded Bard had sung a song for him. She had the most beautiful voice he had ever heard. Rumor has it that the Bard eventually went on to aid The Hero of Ferelden in her quest to stop the Blight. But that was probably just a rumor…

Peaches had been there outside the tavern when Carver stepped out and she wished him a happy birthday. Then with all the alcohol in his system he daringly kissed her and she kissed him back. All Carver could remember about that night was Barlin's shed and what Peaches _did _for him. By that morning Carver was no longer a virgin. Word had gotten around town pretty quickly and Peaches father had forbade Carver from ever seeing her again. This involved Peaches father chasing Carver with a shovel and Hawke giggling as Carver nearly wet himself.

This just fueled his desire for Peaches even more and every night they would meet by Barlin's shed. This went on for six months before the king's army came to Lothering to recruit for Ostagar. As much as Hawke wanted to go she couldn't. She was a mage and she needed to watch over Bethany. Carver saw this as his chance to finally stick out and be the man he always wanted to be. He had signed up almost immediately and he promised Peaches he would come back to her. She had kissed him and told him she loved him. Carver didn't respond.

Even when he didn't contact her for over a year and a half she still kept her sunny deposition. Now here he was thinking about another woman and planning to be with another woman. He had written a note to Peaches earlier that day.

_Dear Peaches,_

_I am sorry I have not been able to contact you for the past year. I have been busy in Kirkwall and my family is barely making ends meat. Our Mabari, Barkspawn misses you, I even got a tattoo of him at Ostagar for strength. _

_I have met many strange people on my travels, but with those new friends came tragedy. Bethany did not make it to Kirkwall. An Ogre crushed her. I miss her. Hawke does to._

_I just wanted to say that it is unlikely that I will ever come back to Ferelden. I doubt we will ever see each other again and I hope that you live a happy life Peaches. You deserve it. My life will always be on the move and I will always be running. You don't want that. I'm sorry I couldn't come back to you. You will always have a special place in my heart. _

_-Carver_

He had sent it that day. It would likely be months before she received it, but he had to let her go. He was right, he lived in a family of magic he would never have a normal life. He never wanted to return to Ferelden, as much as he complained about Kirkwall it was his home and Ferelden felt so alien to him. The Deep Roads expedition was to set off tomorrow and Carver had been chosen to come. Once they found their fortune there he would be respected and find his place in the city.

About a week ago, Carver was approached by a Templar who admired his skills in battle and asked him to join the order. As tempting as it was Carver did not laugh in his face. Carver's sisters were mages, his father was a mage, and the girl he had a crush on was a mage. There was no bloody way he'd ever join the Templar order. Who would even think about doing that in his situation? He respected the Templars but he imagined his sister's fury and mother's sobs if he left to become a one. Carver wanted to join the guard, be a respected figure, not just Hawke's little brother.

Merrill didn't make him feel that way. She made him feel like Carver, it was a feeling no one else had given him. She looked at him and didn't see his sister. Even Varric who had taken Carver under his wing still saw him as Junior. He wanted to prove all of them wrong and show them he was stronger than that.

Carver finally reached the docks and found Merrill sitting on the docks looking at the Gallows. The sun was setting and it cast an orange shadow over Merrill. She looked beautiful and the picnic basket sat next to her.

"Merrill?"

She stood him nearly knocking the picnic basket into the water as she scurried over to Carver. She was red-faced and shaking. "Oh Lethallin, thank goodness you came! I thought you went to The Hanged Man. And I almost went there to look for you first, but then I thought you might have gone to see Varric instead."

Carver looked at her, surprised. She was just as nervous as he was! That made him feel much better about what he was going to say. He had planned on telling her how he felt tonight and was terrified she would reject him.

"And I'm rambling… Aren't I?" She said looking at her feet.

"No, no! Not at all… Um should we eat?" Carver stammered.

He sat down on the dock trying to hide his blushing when Merrill sat down next to him and put a hand on his arm.

"Ever since that night in the Alienage I haven't been able to stop thinking about you and everything that's happened… Do you think I made a mistake, leaving the Dalish?" She asked. She looked so unsure of everything that she was doing, she said that night in the alleyway that life in Kirkwall was a living nightmare. Carver wanted to make sure she never said that again.

He smiled at her. "Who could pass up life in Kirkwall? All the sunshine and butterflies!"

Merrill laughed, even more red coming to her cheeks. "Your sister's humor is rubbing off on you… But I supposed if I hadn't left the Dalish I would have never met you."

Carver froze. He wasn't sure if he could say anything at this point. Merrill spoke for him instead. "If the Keeper knew I was on a date with a human I'm sure she would come here herself and drag me home."

"This is a date?" Carver asked hopefully.

Merrill covered her hand over her mouth. "I didn't mean… I wouldn't want to think… Elgar'nan, I'll stop talking now."

There was a long pregnant pause between the two. Carver decided to lighten the mood. "Would it help if made myself more elfy for the Keeper?" Carver said pointing to his ears

Merrill giggled. "Oh I don't know. You'd look handsome with pointy ears. Not that you don't already…"

Carver's heart took off and almost flew out of his chest. _She thinks I'm handsome! _

"Merrill, you're the most beautiful girl I've ever seen," Carver said. He almost slapped himself, he didn't mean for that to come out of his mouth. He was about to apologize when Merrill turned her face towards his. He leaned in, his lips brushed against hers when Merrill pulled back.

"The Keeper—my whole clan—will object if we… Not that they could possibly hate me anymore, I suppose. But I want to be with you Carver… And I don't care what anyone says."

Carver knew at that moment that he wanted to be with Merrill more than anything in the world. She was an elf and he loved her. She was a blood mage and he loved her. He wanted to spend the rest of his days with her and he wouldn't have to worry about running because she would run to.

"I don't care either. They're objections are a small price to pay…" Carver said.

Merrill turned away, her cheeks flaming and she looked as if she was about to cry. Carver touched her tattooed cheek and brought her face to his. Her breathing halted and she began to tremble.

"Merrill, I lo-"

She leaped towards him and actually reached his lips this time. She nearly knocked Carver off the dock as he began to assault her lips. This was nothing like the drunken kiss he had with Peaches or the kisses he shared with many other girls. This was real and he was in love. They were on the docks still kissing very chastely when Merrill pulled away.

"I… I…" Merrill started to say.

Carver was terrified that she was going to leave to say this was a mistake.

"I LOVE YOU!" She said very loudly, and then she clamped a hand over her mouth. "I probably shouldn't have said that, should I? I always say the stupidest things…"

"I love you Merrill." Carver said touching her face.

"I've just… Never done anything like this before and I don't want to disappoint you…"

It was Carver who kissed her this time. He grabbed her shoulders and pushed her closer to him. Carver began to nibble on her lower lip causing Merrill to moan. Their kissing became even heavier as Carver began to run his hands all over Merrill's body. She took her lips away from his and rested her forehead against his.

"Are you going to The Deep Roads, Ma Vhenan?" She whispered breathless.

Carver was disappointed that they had stopped, but he heard the fear in Merrill's voice. "Ma Vhenan? What does that mean?"

"My heart," she said. "Are you going to The Deep Roads?"

Carver felt his heart pump a bit faster than it already did. Now he didn't want to set foot in the blighted place. He didn't want to leave Merrill alone. What if he died? _No, the expedition is perfectly safe… _

Carver nodded.

"I want to wait, until you come back for _other things_," she said.

Carver planted a kiss on her lips. "If you're calling me Ma Vhenan, then what should I call you?"

Merrill buried her face in his neck. "Call me, Ma Lath…"

Her breath on his neck made his skin prickle. "What does that mean?"

"My love."

"I'll come back to you Ma Lath," Carver said. "I mean it."

"I love you," Merrill said.

"I love you," Carver repeated.

Carver leaned in to kiss her again.

OOO

Isabela and Varric smiled like fools while watching Carver and Merill.

"Well Rivaini, looks like they won't be needing anymore of our help." Varric said.

"Smart idea to clear all the gangs from the docks," Isabela said.

"It cost me a lot of coin, but by the time this expedition is through we'll be wealthy." Varric said looking at his empty coin purse. "By the way Rivaini, nice job with the picnic basket."

"We are to good at this," Isabela remarked.

"Now we have to worry about Blondie and Chuckles."

"Chuckles?"

"Hawke's new nickname."

"I like it."

Varric yawned. "Well the expedition is tomorrow and Hawke has to pick who to take with her. We should both get some sleep just in case."

"But sleep is so boring Varric." Isabela said. Then a seductive grin spread across her lips. "Plus I never sleep."

Varric laughed. "I guess I won't be getting much sleep anyway. I'll just have nightmares about spending a few weeks with Bartrand."

Isabela and Varric spent the rest of the night at The Hanged Man coming up with plans to help Hawke and Anders, but little did they know that they were going to need a lot more help.

**A/N: For the Carver and Merrill scene I took the dialogue from the Hawke/Merrill scene because I love it too much not to include it xD. I did say a lot of awwws while writing this :D. Now that those two are happy, we have Hawke and Anders to worry about and do not fret I have not forgotten about Fenris.**


	6. To The Deep Roads!

**All belongs to the awesomeness of Bioware**

** A/N: I absolutely loathe the robes the mages get in DA2! So I decided to create new ones, I hope my descriptions are good enough because I am rubbish at drawing… But anyway enjoy :D! **

**Chapter 6**

Hawke held the last sovereign in front of her face. That was it. That was fifty. She was able to go on the expedition. She had picked this last coin up from a spider that attacked her when she was exploring a cave in Sundermount last night. _Maker, how do they have coins on them? _She thought. Right now she wouldn't care if Andraste herself gave Hawke the last sovereign. All that mattered was she was going on the expedition that was setting off that afternoon. The sun was just rising so Hawke had enough time to prepare and let Bartrand know that she was joining.

While heading to Hightown she saw Varric walking up that path as well and tapped him on the shoulder. She was a peculiar sight at the moment, her bag was overflowing with coins and Varric guessed that she had been attacked a lot for the money by the look of her. She had a cut lip and many bruises on her lithe frame.

Hawke embraced Varric with such force that it nearly knocked him off his feet. She almost picked up him, but she wasn't strong enough for that. Hawke was a mage after all and couldn't do that much heavy lifting. "I have it! I have it!" She yelled happily.

Many citizens were looking at her funny, but Hawke didn't seem to care. "Then it looks like you're going on this expedition Chuckles," Varric said releasing himself from Hawke's tight grip. He had never seen her this happy before. He found it odd that she was happy to go to the blighted Deep Roads.

Her eyes became filled with emotion. "Thank you Varric, I couldn't have done it without you… You're the best friend I've ever had."

Varric smiled. "The same is said for you Chuckles. But let's not tell our other companions that. I think they'd all rip me a new one."

Hawke laughed. "Wouldn't dream of it."

"What are you two doing?" A voice asked.

Varric and Hawke turned around to see Aveline giving them a strange look. She was wearing her well-deserved guard captain uniform and had a guardsman named Donnic on her heels. He looked nervous and Varric noticed that the man's eyes kept drifting to Aveline's rump.

Hawke then suddenly threw her arms around Aveline. They were good friends so Aveline was not surprised by this action. Hawke was very touchy-feely and was affectionate towards her friends. Aveline hugged Hawke back in an awkward fashion. Aveline never really could do anything without being awkward.

"I've got it!" Hawke said shoving the gold piece in Aveline's face.

Aveline smiled. "Good Hawke… But I am sorry to say I cannot go on the expedition… The guards need me." Aveline said looking disappointed.

"I understand. Try not to light Kirkwall on fire while I'm gone."

Aveline laughed and walked off with Donnic to complete patrols.

OOO

Hawke had given the coins and the maps to Bartrand. He was positively shocked that the girl he had rejected months ago came to him with the money and the resources he needed. Varric had smirked at his brother's expression. They joined the rest of Bartrand's men in the crowd.

Bartrand jumped up on a makeshift stage to make his speech.

"Just another thing to fuel his ego," Varric said. Hawke chuckled.

"We've chosen one of the hidden entrances that I personally found myself!"

Hawke's jaw dropped at that one. She was about to speak up when Varric put a hand on her arm stopping her. _Leave it to Bartrand to take all the credit…_ Varric thought.

"The Deep Roads will be nice and virginal! Ready for a good deflowering!"

His men all gave each other looks and Varric scoffed. "Now there's an interesting image."

Bartrand strained to look into Hawke's eyes. "Well looks like you've got the money, Hawke. We're starting in two hours. It'll take a week to get to The Deep Roads and there will be left over Darkspawn from The Blight. Gather all the gear and people you need, but I've only got room for two more people so chose wisely."

Bartrand then went over to his men to discuss plans and he looked as if he was going to kill anyone who gave him bad news. Varric looked at Hawke. "I'll stay here to keep Bartrand from murdering anyone. In the meantime choose who you want to go with you."

Hawke walked slowly out of Hightown. Who would she bring with her? Aveline couldn't come, Merrill was far to fragile and would have nightmares for weeks if she even saw the entrance of the place, spending weeks with Fenris seemed unbearable to her, Isabela probably do every one of Bartrand's workers right in front of Hawke since The Deep Roads had little privacy. That only left two options.

Hawke raced to Darktown after sending word to Carver. The expedition was setting off soon and she prayed that Anders would be able to come. He was the most logical option, a grey warden, a healer, and the only person besides Varric who wouldn't drive her crazy after spending a few weeks with them. But after that episode with Fenris, Anders had been avoiding her at every turn. Hawke hoped that she hadn't scared him off with her flirtations that obviously made him uncomfortable, but she had stopped in the past few weeks. She missed him terribly and this strange feeling was starting to manifest within her. She had never felt it before. The fear that he would reject her invitation to the expedition was alarming. She cared so much for him and when he avoided her it told her he didn't want her at all. He had rejected her advances, but rejecting her friendship was even worse. It was as if he was cutting all his ties to her. And she was beginning to fall in love with him. If she could never be with him then she at least wanted to be there for him.

She ran up to his clinic breathless and knocked on his door. When no one answered she shouted his name.

OOO

Anders ran as fast as he could to the door when his name was called. All his patients had left an hour before and he was getting some much-needed sleep. He threw on his coat and opened the door.

Hawke stood in front of it. She was flushed, desperately gasping for air; her hair was loose and wild. This was how she usually looked at the end of one of his fantasies. His entire body ached looking at her in this state.

"Andes," she breathed.

He gulped, hearing his own name like that sent the same effect through him. Even after trying to avoid her, his love for her had not diminished. She still haunted his sleep and staying away from her was not proving to be a helpful solution. "Do you need healing?" He said trying to keep his tone neutral.

"Anders… I know you're busy and I don't want to disturb you—"

"You never disturb me," he said. _Why did you say that?! You are encouraging her! _The recesses of his mind were getting louder these days. It was as if Justice was pushing through. He hated how Anders mind was always on her and not the mages.

She smiled and then took a breath. "Bartrand's expedition to The Deep Roads is setting out in two hours and…" Her head suddenly dropped and her tone became uncharacteristically quiet. "I need you."

The pain that rippled through Anders was one he had never experienced before. The hurt in her voice nearly sent him over the edge, but something held him back, a message stopped him from kissing her right then and there. _This is what she will look like when you hurt her. _Anders instead patted her shoulder.

"I'll be there, just let me prepare and I'll meet you in Hightown…"

Hawke's eyes lit up and she grasped Anders' hand on her shoulder. "Thank you! I have to go tell Varric, but I'll see you there!"

She took off down the alleyways of Darktown. Then only bright spot in this wretched place was gone.

OOO

Hawke was waiting in Hightown for the expedition to make way. Carver had already shown up and was sitting on a crate polishing his new sword. He had bought it in the market from the extra money that Hawke had found after battling a few bandits on the way back from Darktown. He had been overjoyed to join the expedition, but had to make a stop at the Alienage before he went to Hightown. Hawke wondered why…

Hawke was wearing armor she made out of strange leather she had bought a week earlier. Well she didn't make it. Mother did, for Hawke was always terrible at sewing and other girly activities. She was told the leather would enhance her magical abilities. The merchant was a good friend from her days as a smuggler so she trusted him. She wore chainmail under the garment to protect herself better and her mother was kind enough to line outfit with fur she had from a rabbit she had cooked the other day. Hawke loved her Mother for her caring nature. She wanted to repay her for everything she had done for her and this expedition was going to do just that.

Anders arrived and sat down next to Hawke. He looked worried. Hawke put a hand on his arm. "Are you alright?" She asked.

"Lirene's taking care of the clinic while I'm gone…"

"That's not answering my question."

He looked at her with those eyes Hawke loved so much. She shivered. "I'm fine, I am honored that you chose me... For the expedition."

Hawke gave him a sad smile. "I know you hate The Deep Roads… But I could never leave you behind."

He flinched at her words and Hawke stopped looking at him. Maker he was frustrating. She wanted him to just open up, but every time she tried to get close to him he would just shut her out. Hawke wanted him so badly, but he didn't feel the same way about her. She was ready to tear her hair out.

She then saw her mother arguing with Bartrand. She got up from her spot and starting running towards her. She didn't even notice Anders watching her backside when she ran.

Bartrand turned towards Hawke as she approached her mother. "Who invited the old woman!?" He pronounced, glaring at Leandra.

"That old woman happens to be our mother!" Carver said going up to Hawke's side.

Bartrand rolled his eyes. Carver didn't intimidate him like Hawke did.

"I'm sorry to halt the plans Sir Dwarf, but I need to speak to my children."

Bartrand snorted and walked towards Varric who was cradling Bianca.

Leandra looked at Carver with pleading eyes. He knew immediately what she was going to say. Merrill had given him the same look when he had to tell her he couldn't stay. It broke his heart and now telling mother would be even worse.

"Mother no. We talked about how important this is," he said trying to stand his ground.

Hawke then joined. "I can't leave Carver behind… I need him."

Carver almost smiled. He had never expected to needed by his sister. She had always taken care of herself and now she needed him. It was funny.

"Mother I'm going. It'll be fine." He said trying to reassure her, but if he couldn't reassure Merrill then he couldn't reassure anyone. He remembered leaving Merrill's house with her in tears and him promising to come back to her again. He would, one way or another.

"No!" Leandra pleaded. "It's not fine! You can't both go! What if something happens to you!?"

Carver's stomach lurched at the thought of him dying down there. The thought of his funeral nearly made him vomit. _No, I will keep my promise to Hawke and Merrill. I promised Hawke I would stay by her side no matter what and I promised Merrill I would come back to her. I will keep both._ He thought.

"Please mother, let him go! He wants to help! I can't do this without him," Hawke said.

"I understand you wanting to do this, but leave my baby out of this!" Leandra replied.

Anger flared through Carver. It was always Hawke who got to do everything and save everyone. He was just the baby to be left at home. He was always in his sister's shadow even in his mother's eyes. "I'm going. Besides if we're so bloody afraid of Templars I should go and she should stay!"

Hawke glared at him. The look sent cold throughout Carver that no ice spell from her could cause. It said, _I thought you changed well guess I was wrong. _

"Sister I—" He said trying to apologize. They had a good relationship since arriving in Kirkwall. Not perfect, but what brother and sister were perfect? And he had ruined it with one comment.

"He's going," Hawke, said her anger at Carver showed at her tone. Then her tone became caring as she hugged her mother. "Don't worry we'll be fine, we know how to get ourselves out of danger. I've done one million three thousand and forty eight times. I've been counting." She gave Mother her trademark smile.

That did not seem to work. Mother still looked terrified.

Bartrand's voice rang across the courtyard. "WE'RE DEPARTING IN FIVE MINUTES!"

Leandra turned towards Carver. "Please I beg you! Don't go! Don't do this!"

Carver tried his best to smile. "Don't worry about me so. I can take care of myself. You'll see."

He then hugged his mother telling her goodbye. Leandra did not even bother to say goodbye to Hawke, she just glared at her then walked off. Hawke looked as if she was about to cry, the look mother gave her was cold and filled with anger. Carver tried to comfort her, but she turned away from him and headed towards the mage at the gates instead.

Bartrand then approached Carver. "Personal drama over with? Then let's get underway…"

Carver sighed and headed towards the line of people ready to leave for the expedition. Varric and Bartrand stood in the front together. Varric looked uncomfortable standing so close to Bartrand.

Carver then saw Hawke grab the mage's hand. Carver's anger was near the boiling point and the mage tried to jump away but Hawke leaned in close to him.

"I'm scared," she whispered.

The mage relaxed and held her hand. "So am I," he admitted.

Varric turned towards Bartrand. "It's been a long time coming brother."

"That it has." Bartrand responded looking off. "THE DEEP ROADS AWAIT!"

No turning back now…


	7. The Good Old Warden Commander

**All belongs to the awesomeness of Bioware**

** A/N: Sorry for the wait, I am kind of under the weather, but here you go :D.**

**Chapter 7**

Hawke and Carver had not spoken since the incident in Hightown. Hawke spent the entire week's journey to The Deep Roads reading from the many books she had bought with her and only took company in Anders. Varric was far too busy keeping Bartrand in check to talk to his companions. Carver was feeling progressively lonely by the day and watching his sister with that mage wasn't helping.

They had delved into The Deep Roads with Bartrand's men going in first. After getting word that it was safe the others followed with Bartrand leading the way. Before going in Hawke went for Anders' hand again.

Anders absolutely loved the feeling of Hawke's hand in his. The innocent gesture sent shivers down his spine. Her hands were so soft and smooth. Not calloused and scarred by battle as Anders' had been. He knew she was only doing this because she was afraid. She told no one this, but him. Hawke was not scared of anything, except Darkspawn. He could see her wince whenever they were mentioned and he didn't know why she was so scared. He wanted to hold her so badly and kiss her until the Darkspawn were completely wiped from her mind.

His resolve was still intact because of the one thought that passed through him in Darktown the day Hawke asked him on the expedition. _This is what she will look like when you hurt her. _He loved her and the thought of anyone hurting her nearly brought Justice out. If he had ever hurt her he wouldn't know what to do. But being near her sent desire through him he'd thought he'd never feel again. He never thought about the certain activities that plagued The Old Anders mind until he saw her. He had been a walking shell of a man just working and working. Then all his emotions came running back and he became hole again when he saw her. He felt lust, love, adoration, and longing all at the same time. Things he had never felt for any of his numerous lovers.

Then suddenly before Anders even knew it The Deep Roads were before him. _Tonight is not going to be easy_, he thought.

OOO

After Bartrand knocked out his bad news bearer, they had decided to make camp. The group had been traveling all day just to get to The Deep Roads and all of them were worn out.

Hawke was setting up her bedroll as far away from the side passages as possible when Carver approached her. Hawke glared at him before taking a seat on her bedroll.

"What do you want?" She asked. She was never aggressive around anyone, so when she was you knew she was angry.

"Sister, I wanted to say I'm sorry." Carver said hanging his head.

Hawke looked up at the ceiling and rubbed her head. "Am I awake? Did I hit my head or did you just apologize for something? No, I suppose that if this was a dream Anders would be naked right now," she said keeping her tone quiet so Anders wouldn't hear.

"SISTER!" Carver said.

Hawke smiled at him. "I can't say I forgive you. You're going to have to work for that… For starters you can take watch first…"

Carver rolled his eyes. "I'm not that eager for your forgiveness."

Hawke laughed. "You never were, get some sleep Carver. You're going to need it, I'll take watch."

Carver went over to his bedroll and fell asleep within minutes. Hawke went to sit by the side passage opening. It gloomed eerily at her and when she closed her eyes all she could see was Bethany, her body being feasted upon by Darkspawn after they left her.

"You look how I feel," she heard Anders say as he sat next to her.

"Can't sleep?" She asked.

"I'm a Warden, sleeping is not really on our agendas…"

"Wait, were you trying to be funny? Alert the authorities!"

Anders chuckled. "I can be funny…"

"No you really can't. You're always serious."

"There was a time when I never took anything seriously."

"Like me?"

Anders shook his head. "No, you take some things seriously."

Hawke raised her hands. "So, there was a time when you were funny?"

"I was the biggest jokester in Ferelden."

"Now this I have to hear."

Anders remembered his time in Amaranthine. "Do you want to know how I became a Grey Warden?"

Hawke nodded. Even in the vile disgusting Deep Roads she was still beautiful.

"When I was in the Circle, I had a habit of escaping and being caught. When I was caught this time they locked me up in Vigil's Keep, the new home of the Wardens. Then Darkspawn attacked, they killed all the Templars… Then this… Woman comes bashing down the door with just her foot."

"The Hero of Ferelden?" Hawke asked.

Anders nodded. "She comes in and at the time, I had never seen a woman like her. She looked at all the dead Templars and anyone else would have just locked me right back up, but she didn't. Instead she convinces her husband…"

"King Alistair right?"

Anders laughed. "She always hated being called Queen Cousland. She always preferred Rose. Anyway, she recruited me and saved me from Templars just waiting to lynch me and gave me a life, friends, and most of all family. She understood the mages plight and was so kind to me. She was the second best thing that ever happened to me…"

"What's the first?" Hawke asked.

He looked into her bright blue eyes and let his emotions overtake him. "You."

Hawke's eyes widened and her cheeks turned an adorable shade of pink. She leaned in ready to kiss him, but he turned away. "The reason why I left the Wardens was because when she left to fulfill her duty as Queen, it was as if a part of me had been removed. I was half way in love with her by that point, but she loved her husband… That broke my heart more than it should have. I was just angry and alone. They had moved me away from Vigil's Keep to patrol in the Free Marches and that was when Justice approached me in the Fade.

"He promised me that if we joined we would live in a world where mages could be free. I had been being watched by Templars ever since Rose left, I had no one to protect me anymore. I watched them beat and… Violate a girl just for being a mage. She didn't survive after that, jumped off a cliff after she found out she was pregnant.

Hawke looked horrified. "How can this be allowed?"

Anders sneered. "We are mages, they didn't care what happened to us. That was why Justice and I joined, but my anger was too much. I… Killed them all… Not just the Templars. I did it without mercy, I even tasted their flesh and it tasted…"

He wanted to say it tasted good like the sweetest wine, but he was sure Hawke would run away. "Not as horrible as I would have expected and I was all alone. Even more so than when Rose left. I fled to Kirkwall because something in my mind told me to do it… I miss it, sometimes. Amaranthine, my old friends, Rose…"

Anders then realized he was shaking and his heart stopped when Hawke put her arms around him. She rested her head on his shoulder. The feeling of her hair tickling his cheek was amazing. "Now, how did a conversation about humor turn so depressing?" She asked.

Anders laughed darkly. That was Hawke, always trying to lighten the mood no matter what was happening. "I don't know… That's just me I guess, I always have to ruin a perfectly good conversation with something dark."

"No! I didn't want to offend you… You just looked so sad… Tell me about your friends at Vigil's Keep," Hawke said trying to change the subject.

It worked. "Well there was Oghren…"

OOO

Nightmares haunted Anders that night, nightmares of Darkspawn and death, nightmares of Justice ripping Hawke's head, and nightmares of Karl getting the brand. The only thing that kept him from screaming was the fact that people surrounded him.

"Get up love birds!" Bartrand yelled.

Anders rubbed his eyes and saw the dwarf staring down at him. He looked at his side to find Hawke curled around his arm. _How did that happen?_ He thought. They must have fallen asleep on watch.

"I think I am going to throw up…" Carver said as Hawke and Anders got on their feet. Anders brushed the dust off his coat and he noticed Carver's scowl as Hawke leaned in to flick some spare dust of his shoulder.

"If you're going to do that then at least do it far away. This place smells bad enough already," Hawke retorted with a smile.

"Did you sleep?" Anders asked Hawke when Carver walked away.

Hawke shook her head. "I dreamt about my sister…"

"Your sister?" Anders knew Hawke had a sister, but had no idea how she had died. Neither her nor her brother would ever talk about it.

"Bethany. She died when I was fleeing Lothering… Crushed by an Ogre."

Anders touched Hawke's arm. Her skin was invitingly warm. "I'm sorry."

Hawke shook her head. "Don't be. I know that if she were still here, Bethany would want me to be happy. She'd want me to take care of mother and that's what I'm doing, by going on this expedition."

Before Anders could respond Bartrand's voice carried from the far side of the camp. He was arguing with one of his workers. Hawke saw Varric walking towards him and decided to follow with Anders at her heels.

"Problems brother?" Varric asked when they reached him.

"Sodding Deep Roads! Who knows how long it'll take to clear the path!?" Bartrand yelled. His anger seemed to be at the boiling point.

"Shall we not try to find a way around it? Seems like the logical choice." Varric said trying to calm his brother.

"You think I'm an idiot Varric!? The scouts say the side passages are to dangerous!" Bartrand's face was getting a dangerous shade of red.

"See? This is why you bring someone like me along." Hawke said with her sarcastic smile.

"We'll take a look. If we come running back, screaming, you'll know staying put was the right decision." Varric said. Hawke laughed.

"Fine, fine! Find a way around. Just do it quickly!" Bartrand said. Then he stormed off to find someone else to yell at.

"I hate the blighted Deep Roads," Anders mumbled.

"I can agree with that Blondie," Varric said.

Just then a dwarf ran in front of the group. Hawke remembered him from Hightown. Bodahn was his name. The rumor was that him and his boy served The Hero of Ferelden once. He even admitted it right in front of Hawke.

"Er… I hate to add to your burdens, my friends, but I fear I must. I fear my boy, Sandal, wandered off. He's somewhere in those passages, right now! I beg you, keep an eye out for him. He just… doesn't understand danger like he should."

"Don't worry. Helping people and killing people are what I'm good at. We'll bring him back." Hawke said.

"Poor Sandal. I can't believe he's done this!" Bodahn said walking off to watch his goods.

Varric turned to Hawke. "Let's movie quickly, then."

The real journey had only just begun…


	8. The Betrayal

**All belongs to the awesomeness of Bioware**

**Chapter 8**

"Well I'll be a nug's uncle. Isn't that Bodahn's boy?" Varric said.

Sandal stood amongst many dead Darkspawn, while scratching his bottom. Hawke absolutely astonished walked over to the boy. He had killed more Darkspawn than Hawke had in the hours it took to find him. He turned towards her with blood all over his childlike face.

"Hello," he said, his blue eyes stood out in the darkness.

Carver chuckled. "It is. The great warrior stands victorious!" He said.

Hawke laughed as she approached Sandal and got down her knees to look him in the eye. "I'd really like to know how you managed to kill al of them."

Sandal with a blank stare pulled something that looked like a rune out of his pocket and gave it to Hawke. "Boom," he replied.

"And how did you do that?" Hawke asked indicating the frozen Ogre next to them.

"Not enchantment," Sandal said with a smile on his face. They gave him directions back to Bodahn and Sandal skipped back towards the campsite.

"Smart boy," Varric said. "Come on, we still have to find a way past the collapse."

OOO

They walked for hours and little was said, making the time go by slower. All Anders could think about was how nice Hawke's body looked in that thin leather she wore. Even when they were battling a Dragon he couldn't take his eyes off of her except when he was healing a serious blow to Carver's head.

They had finally found their way around the collapse and returned to Bartrand in one piece. Anders was surprised that he didn't have to heal anyone else other than Carver.

Bartrand was yelling at a whole group of workers when they returned. "Bartrand! We found a way around your damned cave-in!" Varric said as he strode back into the campsite.

"It's about time!" Bartrand said as he went to gather more workers.

"I'll help Bartrand. Junior can you make sure that Bartrand doesn't kill me?" Varric said.

"Why? I'm perfectly fine standing here." Carver said.

Varric rubbed his forehead. "I think we should give Hawke some quality time to herself. Come on."

Carver sighed and followed Varric away from Hawke. She leaned against the side of the cave and examined her injury. While battling the Dragon it managed to get its claws in her side. She didn't tell Anders because he had already used enough Mana healing Carver. She lifted her garment to find that the three cuts had started to turn a shade of white. Her eyes widened as she called for Anders.

He was there within seconds and when he saw the cuts his features twisted in an angered expression. "Why didn't you tell me?" He asked.

Hawke tried to smile, but the pain was making that hard. "You were healing Carver…"

Anders shook his head. He was obviously tired and worried. The Deep Roads were doing a number on him. "Nonsense, I always have time for you. This might take awhile, these wounds are deep."

He began to heal her cuts, his magic felt like rays of sunshine on your skin. "Anders?"

"Hmmm?"

"Why don't you have a girl?"

Anders' head shot up at her comment. _Is she serious?_ His mind screamed. "What?" He said, had he heard right?

"Why don't you have a girl? I mean you're kind, compassionate, caring, and handsome. I'd think you'd have a girl by now."

_She doesn't know… She thinks I don't want her. This is supposed to be good, _part of his mind said. _Then why don't I feel good, _he responded to the empty space. "Why don't you have a boy?" He asked trying to change the subject before he admitted his love for her.

"Do you want a little Hawke History?" She said. "Back in Lothering there was this boy named Peter and he… Most boys in Lothering thought I was odd, they would compliment me by saying I had a nice ass and I would punch them in the face as a response. They all wanted Bethany, who was so kind and sweet, they didn't comment on her ass. Instead, the called her beautiful and sent her chocolates. Mother wouldn't let us date of course, we were mages and it was too much of a risk. Bethany stayed innocent and never accepted any of the boys or maybe she did and I don't know about it.

"Then Peter came to town… He was the son of a merchant and he took notice of me right away. He was older to and he gave me flowers. I was so in love with him and to impress him I… Gave him all I had, as it turns out that was all he wanted. I was such an idiot. I told him I was a mage and he told me I had to pay him ten sovereigns for him to keep his mouth shut. I paid him and he was gone. He broke my heart and I haven't been with anyone since. How can you trust anyone after that?"

Anders looked into Hawke's sad eyes as he finished healing. He swore that if he ever found this Peter he would hurt him for what he did to her. How could he do that to someone so wonderful? "I'm sorry."

Hawke shook her head. "Don't be, its Peter who should be sorry." She said. "No one knows except Carver, he came home to me crying my eyes out.

"Thank you for listening to me." She said reaching out to cup his cheek.

Before he could respond Bartrand's voice came from the passage. "WE'RE MOVING OUT!"

Anders scrambled to his feet and Hawke followed.

OOO

After battling through mountains of Darkspawn for nearly a day they had found what they were looking for. A shining treasure sat on a pedestal just waiting to be taken. This was it. They had found their fortune. Hawke was exhausted and covered in blood as were the rest of her companions, but at the moment they didn't care, they ran towards the idol.

"You see what I'm seeing?" Varric asked in disbelief.

"Is that? Lyrium?" Hawke asked.

"It's definitely magic. And not the good kind," Anders said.

"No shit," Varric mumbled. "Doesn't look like any kind of lyruim I've ever seen."

"Me neither," Hawke said. The thing looked so sinister with its glowing shade of red.

Just then Bartrand came striding through the door without a scratch on him. Hawke glared at him, they had to do all the work when he just skipped right through the path they cleared for him.

"Look at this, Bartrand. An idol made out of pure lyrium, I think. Could be worth a fortune." Varric said.

Bartrand whistled. "You could be right. Excellent find." Bartrand said. His eyes looked glassy.

That was the first compliment they had received on this entire journey, but the way Bartrand spoke sounded very strange to Hawke. She picked up the idol uneasily and gave it to Varric.

"Not bad, we'll take a look around, see if there's anything further in." Varric said. He tossed the idol to Bartrand, an act he would regret for the rest of his life.

Bartrand smiled. "You do that," he said as he made his way towards the door and then began to shut it.

"The door!" Hawke yelled as they made a run for it, but it was to late. It was shut.

"Bartrand! It's shut behind you!" Varric said.

"You always did notice everything brother," Bartrand's voice said with a dark laugh to boot.

"Are you joking? You're going to screw over your own brother for a lousy idol?" Varric asked desperately.

"It's not just the idol. The location of this thaig alone is worth a fortune, and I'm not splitting that three ways," Bartrand said. "Sorry brother!"

"BARTRAND! BARTRAND!" Varric screamed in anger. "I swear I will find that son of a bitch, sorry mother, and I'm going to kill him!"

And with that they were trapped.


	9. Warden'd

**All belongs to the awesomeness of Bioware**

**A/N #1: I am now officially sick, but getting better, at least it gives me more time to write… My sick days have basically been filled with writing and watching Dragon Age videos. I also really adore Anders dialogue with MHawke instead of the whole I'll hurt you thing with FHawke, so I implemented some of the dialogue here. Enjoy **

**Chapter 9**

Hawke had not expected Shades and Profanes to add to the list of things trying to murder her in The Deep Roads. As she stood face to face with their leader she could feel the tension in the musky air.

"ENOUGH!" The leader who looked like a Profane yelled. "You have proven your mettle. I would not see these creatures harmed without need."

"You're the first one here that hasn't tried to kill me," Hawke said.

"They will not assault you further, not without my permission." The Profane responded.

"What are these things? They seem like rock wraiths, but—" Varric tried to say.

"They hunger," the Profane interrupted. "The profane have lingered in this place for ages beyond memory, feeding on the magic stones until the need is all they know."

"The lyruim? That's what sustains them?" Hawke asked.

"I am not as they are. I am… a visitor." The Profane said.

"Anders? What does that mean?" Hawke asked. She knew the Profane highly implied he was a demon in disguise, but she needed a second opinion.

"It seems mostly interested in their hunger. It's a demon, come to feed." Anders said.

"I would not see my feast end." The demon said. "I sense your desire. You seek to leave this place, but you will need my aid to do so."

Home, they could go home. As the hours were passing by, Hawke's hope had been dwindling, but with this thing's help they could go home. She didn't want to die in The Deep Roads.

"Don't do it. Demons will trip you up every time," Anders said, noticing Hawke's longing expression.

"I don't like the sound of this," Carver said.

"What are our options?" Varric asked.

Hawke pictured her mother sobbing as she never heard back from her children. She pictured Bartrand laughing with his piles of gold. She pictured being eaten alive by Darkspawn. But then she pictured being possessed by this demon. No, she would never deal with their kind.

"Sorry, I just don't deal with demons," Hawke said casting an ice spell at the monster.

OOO

After battling the demons and the Ancient Rock Wraith they had set up camp. The group had been walking for days and they needed to rest. The Ancient Rock Wraith had done a number on them, but at least they had found treasure. It was more than enough for the four of them and Hawke would come home successful.

Carver was gathering roots for them to eat nearby when Varric turned towards Hawke. "So… Why do they call you Hawke?" He asked.

Hawke was splayed out on her bedroll when she heard this question. "What if that's my real name?"

"It's not," Carver said from across the thaig.

"Shut it Carver!"

"The reason why she calls herself Hawke is because she hates her given name," Carver said, sauntering over to the group. "I once called her by it and she froze my finger."

Varric and Anders' jaws dropped at the same time. "I warned you!" Hawke said.

"Maybe so, but it took sixteen hours to thaw out." Carver said. "Only call her by her given name when you have a death wish."

"Is your real name that horrible?" Anders asked.

"Oh, your one to talk!" Hawke retorted.

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"Anders can't be your real name!"

Anders shrugged. "It is."

Hawke tapped her finger on his nose. "I know when you're lying! You're terrible at it."

"I am not!"

"Anders is not your real name."

"Okay it isn't."

"Got you."

When Varric and Carver had fallen fast asleep Anders felt a tap on his shoulder. Hawke sat beside him chewing on some of the left over roots.

"You never answered my question," Hawke said.

"Oh?"

"Why don't you have a girl?"

_Because I don't want some girl, I want you. _"Because, I'm sure the whole abomination thing would make any girl run away."

"Nonsense, they'd have to be fools to run away from you. You're so..." Hawke said then she paused. "You're not an abomination Anders. I wouldn't be your… Friend if you were."

"We're friends?" Anders asked, trying so very hard to not sound like he had a lump in his throat.

"Best friends," Hawke replied.

"I HEARD THAT!" Varric said, his voice echoing across the walls.

"Besides you Varric!" Hawke said while giggling. The dwarf chuckled and then fell into a deep slumber.

There was a long pregnant silence between the two before Hawke spoke up again. "Have you ever been in love?"

_YES, WITH YOU! _Anders cleared his throat. "No, I can't say I have."

"What about that mage back in the Chantry, I know you two were involved…"

Anders had told Hawke about him and Karl, but made it clear that he was also interested in women, by flirting with her. "We were… It's complicated. Growing up in the Circle, everything was about order, rules, and the Templars. The apprentices we found ways to make bearable. Karl and I… He was the first… We could forget that… Out in the world you were nothing but Templar slaves. We hadn't been together for years, but still… It hurt."

Hawke placed a gentle hand on his arm. "I'm sorry… No one should have to go through that."

"I wish it were that easy, finding love, but I have this… Thing inside my head, sending thoughts and ideas I know are not mine. When I think about injustice or the Templars it's unbearable! They don't see us as people. They don't care that Karl was someone's son, someone's lover… If you're born with magic, they hear about it!" Anders said, his voice becoming more and more unstable. "They search your dirty little village and find you! They tell your parents that they'll be thrown in prison if they ever ask about you! Striped of their rights in the eyes the Maker! And if you run away…"

Then suddenly cracks of blue appeared on Anders' skin and it was no longer Anders speaking. "They hunt you down, again and again."

In that instant Hawke could think of nothing else to do, but throw all her weight at him, knocking him over. They rolled in the dust and Hawke ended up on top of him. The cracks were still present. Hawke didn't dare to touch him more than she did. It was known that she had already angered the spirit. "Anders… Justice… Whatever, it's me Hawke…" She leaned down and went close to his face. "Your safe… It's okay; you'll always be safe with me."

Just then the cracks disappeared and Anders returned. All Anders could see was Hawke sitting on top of him, he wondered if he was awake or not. "Hawke… I—what happened?"

"Ummm… Well—Justice kind of took over for a moment, but don't worry I had it under control."

Anders wanted to punch himself in the face. "I almost hurt you…"

"Oh, will you shut it Anders. You can never hurt me." Hawke said climbing off of him and returning to her original place. She patted a spot behind her. "Now are you going to join or what?"

Anders dusted himself off and sat next to her. For the first time ever the spirit showed him something from when he took over, but they were only words from Hawke. _Your safe… It's okay; you'll always be safe with me… _Those words were going to haunt him for days. She had saved him from himself… Again… _Maker, why is she so perfect? _He thought. Sometimes she had wished that she was a Templar loving blood mage, at least then he wouldn't love her.

OOO

"Hmmm, I'd say this is our way back…" Varric said the next day.

"How long to get back?" Hawke asked. She was filthy, her clothes were soaked in blood, and she smelled something awful. She was dying for a bath, but she couldn't wait to see the look on mother's face when she saw all the gold they had.

"If we're unlucky maybe a week," Varric replied.

"And if we're lucky?"

"We stumble over Bartrand's corpse on the way."

Hawke chuckled as they continued to walk.

OOO

"This part of The Deep Roads looks familiar," Hawke said breaking silence that held for many days.

"We're back where we started. And in only five days, not bad," Varric said.

"Think we could take a break? I feel…" Carver said. He looked very sick, probably from those roots they had been eating.

"We can make camp if you're sick," Hawke said.

That was when Carver collapsed. "No, it's…"

"CARVER!" Hawke screamed as she ran towards her brother.

"It's the Blight," Anders interjected. "I can sense it."

"Just like that Templar Wesley," Carver said with dread. "I'll be just as dead. Just as gone…"

Hawke grabbed her brother's shoulders. "THERE MUST BE SOME OTHER WAY!" She yelled with desperation. Images of Wesley, his skin rotting went through her head. Her brother couldn't die, he just couldn't. She couldn't loose anyone else.

"I'm not going to make it," Carver said. "Not to the surface. Not anywhere. It's getting worse."

Hawke felt the tears leak from her eyes, then without warning she started to sob. "No Carver… Please don't die! You can't die!" She sobbed for Bethany, for father, for Carver, for everyone she had lost.

Anders heart lurched in his chest, he had to do it, he had to help the woman he loved, even if it meant getting captured by the Wardens. "There might be something we can do," he said.

Hawke looked right into his eyes, it was just like that moment Anders had with the mages all that time ago, except she didn't notice it. She was absolutely one hundred percent in love with him and nothing else mattered. Not even if he didn't return her affections she knew that she would always love him. She would protect him at any cost, be devoted to his every cause, and do anything he asked. She in that moment devoted her life to him. And there was no turning back for either of them.

OOO

As they carried Carver to the Wardens he felt worse with every step. All he could think about was Merrill and how he had not kept his promise. She would be alone in Kirkwall without him. His heart burned and he couldn't picture her in tears, it would be ten times worse than seeing his own sister sob. He was currently leaning on Hawke's should as he turned to Varric.

"Varric?" Carver whispered so his sister wouldn't hear.

"Yeah Junior?"

"Please, take care of Merrill and tell her…" Carver choked a bit on the last part. "Tell her I love her and I will come back, one way or another."

Varric nodded. "Sure thing."

He then turned to Hawke. "Sister?"

It was obvious that Hawke was still crying when she answered. "Yes?"

"Stay strong and take care of mother."

"I will, I promise."

"I want to say something to Anders in private," he said.

In any other circumstance Hawke would have argued, but this was different. She handed Carver over to Anders and went to Varric's side.

"Mage?" Carver asked.

Anders didn't respond.

"I want you to promise me… If you and my sister eventually… You know. Promise me you'll never hurt her, I'll have your head if you do."

"The reason I am staying away from her is not to hurt her."

"But you are hurting her by doing that."

"That's me, a living breathing no win situation," Anders said.

"Oh, stop feeling sorry for yourself. You're not dying from the taint. My sister is crazy about you. She never stops talking about how amazing you are and I think it will kill her if you don't give in." Carver said, then he sighed. "Just… Make her happy, be there for her, she has no one else."

Anders nodded.

OOO

They reached the Wardens after battling even more Darkspawn. Their leader approached Anders. "Anders?" He asked. It was obvious that he didn't like the ex warden very much.

"Fancy meeting you here Stroud," Anders said trying to keep a lighthearted tone.

"I could say the same, I thought you were through with fighting Darkspawn." Stroud replied.

"I'm not here to fight Darkspawn," Anders said. "I came looking for you."

Hawke brought Carver to them, he looked worse than ever, his skin was grey and his eyes became black with the taint. Everyone in the group was covered head to foot in Darkspawn blood, but it was special with Carver, he was coated in the stuff.

"You mean, the boy as a recruit? Of course you do." Stroud sighed. "I'm sorry, I know this comes as no comfort to you, but we do not recruit Grey Wardens out of pity. It is no kindness."

"You think it's kinder to let Carver die from the Blight?!" Hawke said, tears flowing yet again.

"Sometimes it is, yes."

"Stroud, trust me when I say this one is worth your time." Anders said. "With the Blight over you Wardens don't have recruits lining up."

"This is no simple thing, Anders. This may be as much a death sentence as the sickness, and you know it." Stroud said grimly.

"He'll die anyway. Take him and try… I'm begging you," Anders said desperately.

"Very well. I will try, but if I do this, then we are even," Stroud then turned to Hawke, who was fighting back tears. "If the boy comes, he comes now, and you not see him again. Being a Grey Warden is not a cure. It is a calling."

"Are you sure about this?" Carver asked weakly.

Hawke wished there was a way any other way to save him. She had damned him by taking him on the expedition and she would never forgive herself for it. "I wish there was another way, but if it will save you then yes I am sure."

"We must move quickly if we are to make the surface in time," Stroud said to his fellow Wardens.

"Then… I guess this is it, remember what I said," Carver said. "All of you. I'll miss you sister."

"I'll miss you to," Hawke barely choked out.

Stroud took Carver from Hawke's grasp and she fell to the hard floor as the Wardens left, taking her brother with them.

"Hawke I—" Anders started to say, but was cut off when Hawke launched herself into his arms.

She was crying like he had never seen a woman cry before. She beat her hands against and chest as she sobbed.

"We have to get out of here," Varric said.

Hawke pulled away from Anders and wiped her face. "Yes we should get moving."

With that their journey was over…

**A/N #2: I was always peeved off at Hawke's reaction of Carver being taken by the Wardens. She always seemed bored, so I made her emotional because this is how I would act if my brother were being taken away forever.**


	10. I Like Lanky

**All belongs to the awesomeness of Bioware**

**A/N: Sorry this took so long, being sick halted my writing schedule, but I am back now and better than ever :D. Also a lot of Fenris/Isabela for this chapter. I missed those two.**

**Chapter 10**

**Five Months Later**

Merrill had received the letter two days ago. She just did not have the courage to open it. It was from the Wardens and she knew it was about Carver. Hawke had been taking his absence really hard. She spent all her time up fighting. She fought gangs, mercenaries, slavers, it was her way of dealing, but her injuries were getting progressively worse and Merrill was becoming worried. After fighting Hawke would then go to The Hanged Man and drink until she passed out. She wouldn't speak to anyone, not even Varric. Merrill felt so sorry for her, but if Carver had survived then maybe she'd feel better.

Merrill remembered when Varric had told her of Carver's fate and that he loved her. She cried all day and all night wishing that it was just all a dream, but over time and with Isabela's help, Merrill got better, but she couldn't say the same for Hawke.

Merrill opened the letter.

_Dear Ma Lath,_

_I have survived the joining in one piece and I know you will not get this letter for a long time, but I am alive and well. Being a Warden isn't so bad, but I still miss you dearly. I've been trying very hard to get assignments in Kirkwall and as soon as I step foot in the city I will see you. I promised you I will come back and I don't break a promise._

_Love,_

_Carver_

He was alive! He had survived! Merrill ran all the way to The Hanged Man to tell everyone. She burst into Varric's suite in tears. Isabela stood up and grabbed Merrill's shoulders.

"What's wrong kitten?" She asked.

"He's alive!" Merrill sobbed. "Carver he's—"

Isabela pulled Merrill into a tight hug muffling her sobs. Varric patted Merrill on the back for support.

Just then Fenris burst through the door, interrupting their celebration. A look of complete and utter fear was on his face. "What is it?" Varric asked. He had never seen Fenris like this before, usually the elf stuck to one or two emotions, but this was different.

"Where is the mage!?" Fenris yelled.

That was when Varric noticed it. Aveline was by the elf's side with Hawke leaning on her arm. She had a large hole in her stomach. She had been run straight through with a sword.

"I'm fine," Hawke mumbled, barely conscious.

"What happened?!" Isabela said running to Hawke's side.

Fenris ignored her at the moment. His markings were starting to flare. "Where is the abomination?!"

"Why didn't you check his clinic?!" Varric shouted as they laid Hawke on the table.

"He wasn't there!" Fenris said with anger flowing through him.

Isabela paused and raised her hands to her face. "Oh shit!"

"What?!" Fenris asked with urgency.

"You know Anders is part of that Mage Underground thing, he helps mages escape from the Gallows. He told Hawke, while I was there that he was helping a few mages escape and that he was going to be gone for a few days." Isabela said, she looked about as pale as she could get.

Fenris slammed his hands on the table and turned to Merrill. "Witch! Heal her!"

Merrill cowered away from him. He looked ready to shove his hand through her chest. Merrill could heal, but she was told it was very painful when she did so. It didn't matter she had to save her friend.

Merrill walked over to where Hawke was. She was twitching violently and blood was pouring from her wound. Before Merrill could do anything Fenris grabbed her arm. "No Blood Magic."

Tears filled Merrill's eyes as she nodded. Fenris let go of her arm and she turned to Isabela. "I need Lyrium…"

Isabela nodded and ran out of The Hanged Man to fetch some. Merrill hovered her hands over Hawke. "I'm so sorry," she whispered as she began to heal her.

The first scream of agony came as soon as Merrill started. The wound started to close slowly, but it looked as if it was on fire.

Hawke felt as if she was on fire, the pain was far too much to keep silent. She screamed as loud as she could, she desperately tried to get Merrill to stop, but very strong arms held her down. Hawke wanted to get out of this grasp, but she was kept from moving. Then the burning had stopped, leaving a dull pain in its wake. That was when she passed out.

OOO

"Are you alright?" Hawke heard as she opened her eyes. Isabela's face came into focus.

Hawke tried to nod, but the pain in my stomach stopped her. "Just dandy."

"What in Andraste's Flaming Small Clothes happened?!" Isabela asked facing Fenris.

"She was fighting three different gangs by herself… When we showed up she had taken care of all of them, but one of them surprised her. Cut straight through her." Aveline said.

"Did you kill him?" Varric asked.

Fenris nodded. "Slowly and painfully."

"Why did you follow me?!" Hawke asked, obviously she was angry.

Fenris turned towards her. He gave her a look that made Merrill tremble. "You are endangering your life by doing this! What were you thinking!? You could have died!"

"But I didn't," Hawke said.

Fenris went as close to Hawke's face as he could get. "Wiping out every gang in the city will not bring Carver back."

That was when Hawke jumped from the table and tackled Fenris. They both slammed onto the ground and Hawke punched him in the face multiple times. Aveline pulled Hawke off of him and Fenris stayed on the ground completely shocked.

"YOU BASTARD!" Hawke screamed, tears running down her cheeks. "You have no idea what it's like to loose someone!"

"We should take you home Hawke," Aveline said, she nodded to Varric and Merrill who helped her carry Hawke out of The Hanged Man.

That left Isabela and Fenris alone. Fenris began to wipe the blood from his nose when Isabela ripped a large part of her shirt off. Fenris averted his eyes.

"Relax, it's for your nose, darling," she said as she dabbed Fenris' nose with the cloth.

Fenris tried to find another source of conversation, but with Isabela half naked it was damn hard not to look at her. He noticed that she was giving him this odd look. There was something in her expression that Fenris did not recognize. "You keep staring at me. Is it my eyes again?"

Isabela bit her lip. "You're very lanky, for an elf. I like lanky."

Fenris groaned. _Not this again_, he thought. Isabela constant attempts to bed him were getting more frequent these days. She was beautiful and he wanted her, but he didn't even know if he could handle those kinds of activities. The nightmares he had would scare away any bedmate. He scowled. "From what I gather, you like a lot of things."

Isabela smiled at his broodiness. "Nonsense. But when I see something I like, I go after it."

Fenris did not know how to respond to that. He kept silent and looked towards one of The Hanged Man's walls. Isabela then placed a hand on his shoulder causing him to jump.

"Fenris?" She asked. "Look at me."

He relented, but still said nothing.

"You really care for her… Don't you?" Isabela said quietly. Fenris could not detect what emotion she was trying to convey.

"Who?" Fenris asked, trying to play dumb.

It didn't work. Isabela rolled her eyes. "Hawke, you got a soft spot for her."

Fenris glowered. "I do not."

Isabela grinned. "If I were guessing I would say you have a crush."

Fenris then sat up. "Hawke is a wonderful woman, but…" He made eye contact with the pirate. "She's not you." He said in a very low voice.

Isabela's eyes widened and Fenris was very satisfied when her jaw dropped. She then cleared her throat. "Well… It has gotten rather hot in here, I think I should get you a clean cloth and a drink…"

Fenris smiled to himself when she was gone.


	11. I Miss You

**All belongs to the awesomeness of Bioware**

**A/N: Okay, I am sorry, my newfound obsession with Game of Thrones books and show (currently rocking out to the theme song) halted my writing, but I am back! :D**

**Chapter 11**

Aveline had begged Leandra to talk some sense into Hawke. After Carver had been taken away in The Deep Roads Leandra barely spoke to her daughter and spent all her time trying to get the Hawke estate back. It had worked. The Viscount had given them back the estate a month ago. The place was still almost empty, but it was much nicer than Gamlen's hovel.

Hawke's friends had told Leandra of her daughter's near death experience and Leandra regretted all those months of blaming her daughter for two of her other children being taken away. It was weighing heavily on Hawke.

Hawke had been notified that Carver survived the joining in a letter he had sent, but that did not brighten her mood. She would probably never see her brother again and that hurt her the most.

Hawke was just leaving the house when Leandra stopped her. "Darling, wait."

Hawke stiffened and turned towards her mother. Over the months Hawke had become very emotionless and rigid. Without her brother, it was almost as if all the happiness had left her. "What?"

Leandra walked over to her daughter. "We need to talk."

"About what?"

"You have to stop doing this to your self. Every night you come home with a different injury and you almost died yesterday. Please… I worry for you."

Hawke scoffed. "You, worry for me? That's a start…"

"Don't talk like that."

"I've failed Carver, I've failed Father, I've failed Bethany, and I've failed you. I can't fail the city. I need to keep the streets safe." Hawke said about to exit.

Leandra ran over to her daughter and pulled her into a tight hug. "You have not failed anyone. Everything that has happened was out of your control. I am so sorry for blaming you."

That was when Hawke started to cry. She sobbed in her mother's arms. "I miss them so much," she whimpered.

"I do to, but Carver is alive because of you. You saved him."

Hawke shook her head. "I didn't save him, someone else did that for me."

Leandra did not reply and instead sat her daughter down on a very large chair, one of the only pieces of furniture in the house. "We still have each other." Leandra said.

"Don't leave me, mother."

Leandra smiled at her daughter. "I wouldn't dream of it."

Hawke then smiled herself and wiped the tears from her cheeks. "I'm done crying and I'm done fighting. I have grieved enough, it is time to move on."

Leandra squeezed Hawke's hand. "It is time to move on for the both of us."

Hawke chuckled. "I wonder what Carver would say if he was here."

"He would have no idea what to say and would stand in his spot dumbfounded that you were actually crying for him."

They both laughed.

OOO

The Mage came back to Kirkwall only a few hours ago. Fenris was on the way to his clinic. The sun was just rising and he suspected no patients would be there. He was furious, how could he not have been there in Hawke's time of need? Just for his stupid cause.

Fenris burst into the clinic to find Isabela standing there arguing with the mage. She looked radiant today. She had changed her normal corset to a black one of similar fit. Her bandanna was red and she was still adorned with the same jewelry.

"Your magic isn't good for anything," she said to the mage playfully as she was leaving the clinic. She spotted Fenris and winked at him before exiting.

The mage looked horrible. He was unshaven, tried, and his coat was especially dirty. If he were anyone else Fenris might have taken pity on him, but he was not simply anyone. This was the man who almost let Hawke die.

"Mage," Fenris said getting the man's attention.

"What is it, elf?" The man clearly looked like he had no time for Fenris, but he didn't care about the man's feelings.

"Do you know what happened yesterday?"

"No, I wasn't there, enlighten me." Anders said sarcastically.

"That sarcasm is going to get you killed someday." Fenris said gritting his teeth. How could the man joke? "What happened yesterday, was that Hawke nearly died."

The mage's eyes widened. Fenris would have smirked, but Hawke nearly dying was no laughing matter. He still did take in some satisfaction from the mage's face.

"Her gang fighting caught up with her. She was cut straight through with a sword and if I were not there she would have died! We had to heal her, which caused her agonizing pain and a nasty scar to boot! How can you claim to care for her if you were not even there for her?!" Fenris yelled. His anger was to the boiling point. The only reason Fenris didn't kill the man where he stood was because Hawke cared for the abomination and she would never speak to Fenris again if he killed him.

Fenris was about to leave before he did give the abomination what he deserved when a voice stopped him. "I cannot believe I am saying this, but… You are right Fenris," the abomination said. "I was stupid and selfish. It will never happen again."

"You were stupid and selfish. Do not let her die, I will rip out your heart if she is harmed because of you."

With that Fenris left, hoping he had made the abomination miserable.

OOO

Anders worked all day in the clinic, keeping his mind off the immense guilt that built up within him. He had almost let the love of his life die. He felt like the worst person to ever walk Thedas. Now the mages just seemed stupid compared to Hawke. Beautiful, innocent Hawke, who had a sword run through her. Images of her in pain haunted Anders. A big jagged scar was implanted in his mind.

When the last patient had left the clinic he heard something from the door.

"I'm sorry, but we are closing," he said keeping his eyes on a Health Poultice he was making for Isabela's _aliment_.

"It's me, you big silly mage!" Hawke said as she jumped straight into his arms, causing him to knock over the Health Poultice.

He had noticed that Hawke had become much more touchy feely with him. Not that he minded, but it was crumbling his resolve quicker than he anticipated. Anders knew that Hawke thought he saw her as nothing more than a friend. _It is best she thinks that, _a part of his mind said, _it will keep us on our task. The mages are what matter. _His mind had been forcing more and more ideas like these. It was starting to scare him how much influence Justice was getting.

Anders made a low involuntary noise in his throat when Hawke hopped out of his arms. She looked wonderful. It was as if all the grief had been washed from her completely. Her raven hair hung loose, so it fell past her shoulders, her blue eyes sparkled with life, and her lips looked so inviting. Anders had to bite his cheek from taking what he wanted right there. "You're cheery today," he said.

Hawke presented him with a letter. The seal of the Wardens was broken. Anders read the note.

_Dear Sister and Mother_

_I have survived the joining in one piece and I know you will not get this letter for a long time, but I am alive and well. I miss both of you and training is going very well. I am much better with a sword now than I was in Kirkwall. I hope to see you both again so I can finally beat sister in combat training._

_May we meet again._

_- Carver_

"I know it's short, but what does that matter? He's alive!" Hawke said.

Anders folded the parchment and handed it over to her. Carver was sentenced to an early death and a lifetime of servitude, but he knew the boy would be fine. He wasn't a mage and he would fit in with the Wardens.

Anders turned towards Hawke. He immediately noticed the bandage around her middle section. The sight made him sick, he had failed at his one duty, to protect her. The elf was right. He was just a stupid selfish man.

"It's not your fault," she said sternly. It was as if Hawke had read his mind. As the months went by Anders' emotions had become so much more visible on the surface. When before he could cover up anything with a quip or a smile, now he couldn't keep anything hidden.

Anders put his hand on his forehead. "I wasn't there, you could have died!"

"I didn't die, Merrill healed me."

"Merrill?!" Anders' eyes went wide. "She healed you!?"

"So?"

"So?! She's a blood mage! Did she hurt you?!" Anders reached out to touch her.

Hawke recoiled away from him. "That blood mage happens to be my friend! Why do you judge everyone I know?!"

"I don't—"

"You do! Fenris because he hates mages, well you know what!? He has good reason, I am not saying he's right, but if you were enslaved and tortured you would hate them to! Merrill may practice blood magic, but she is one of the sweetest people I know! Aveline because of her husband being a Templar, so what!? She loved him and he loved her! I don't think _you_ have a right to judge!" Hawke yelled.

Anders just stood there, taking that all in. If anyone else had said that he would have just walked away, but this was Hawke. He could never walk away from her. He just stared at her, unsure of how to respond.

Hawke placed her head in her hands for a moment. She looked as if she was shaking. Over the months Anders had seen her cry many times, but it still felt as if someone was squeezing his heart to the point of bursting. She then looked up at him with misty eyes. "I'm sorry, it's just— I miss Carver so much, even if he is an ass. I want him here, I want Bethany here, I want father here…"

"Is there anything I can do?" Anders asked. He couldn't dare touch her now. He would just kiss her if he did.

Hawke looked into his eyes for a minute. "Come to The Hanged Man tonight… Everyone is going to be there and I would love for you to come."

Anders thought of it for a moment. He had been spending more time in his clinic. His paranoia was keeping him inside and prevented him from seeing his friends. He barely trusted anyone, well except Hawke. She was the one person whom Anders would trust with anything. After all she had been through Anders owed her this much. "I'll be there."

A smile formed on Hawke's face. "Thank you."

And she was gone…


	12. Worst Night Ever

**All belongs to the awesomeness of Bioware**

**A/N: I am considering making this story M, but I'd love to hear feedback on whether or not I should. Anyways enjoy :D.**

**Chapter 12**

Hawke was upstairs changing when Isabela entered the estate. The place was now half furnished and it was looking more like a proper mansion. It was almost entirely red and gold. Isabela guessed that Hawke's bedroom was no different.

Leandra was walking down the hallway when she saw the pirate and nearly jumped out of her skin.

"Who are you?!" She asked obviously terrified that some stranger was in her home. Leandra and Isabela never had the pleasure of meeting.

"Oh, I'm Isabela, a friend of Hawke's." She said, giving a small bow and a sweet smile.

"How did you get it?"

Isabela had broken in, but Hawke's mother didn't need to know that. "The door was open."

Leandra put a hand on her chest to steady her breathing. "Oh, Hawke does seem to leave her door open a lot." She said. "Well, my daughter is upstairs, I'll be sure to leave you two alone."

Isabela grinned at that remark and went upstairs. She burst into Hawke's room without second thought to find her in the middle of changing. She ignored Hawke's squeal and looked around her room instead.

"So this is where you live. Not bad," she said.

Hawke quickly pulled on her house robe. "You know, it's not every day when someone breaks into your house, lies to your mother, and then walks in on you naked."

Isabela shrugged with a smirk. "What can I say? I'm special." She examined a small book on Hawke's desk. "I preferred the old place though, it had… More charm."

Hawke scoffed. "Charm? And by charm you mean?"

Isabela looked dreamily at the ceiling. "Lowtown… The smell of tar and the sea, and the sound of some whore plying her trade in the back alley—don't you miss that?"

"So very charming," Hawke said sarcastically.

"I'm serious!"

"You're never serious."

"True, but neither are you."

"We should form a club." Hawke said.

"So?" Isabela said walking over the piles of clothes thrown on the ground. Hawke was making way too much of an effort to look nice. "What's the occasion?"

"Why are you in my house again?" Hawke asked trying to change the subject.

"Because I still wanted to know if you would take up my offer of girly fun…" Isabela whispered seductively.

Hawke rolled her eyes. "No thanks."

Isabela pouted. "You are no fun, but seriously… What's the occasion?"

Hawke started to blush. It was an unfortunate tell. "Oh Maker, don't tell me Anders is coming to The Hanged Man tonight…" Isabela said.

Hawke smiled.

"Then we must dress you in something… That is not that ugly robe."

"I happen to like this robe."

"It looks like a sad school girl's uniform."

"Well, Miss Isabela, what should I wear?"

"Ooo! Miss Isabela, I rather like that…" Isabela said as she rifled through all of Hawke's clothes. All of them were either battle wear or ugly. Hawke did not possess a good wardrobe. "I think I'll pay the workers at The Blooming Rose extra to call me that."

Then Isabela had found it. It was a long green dress that had a fur-lined hood. It had laces around the bosom area, exposing one of Hawke's best features (whether she admitted it or not.) "Try this," she said handing the dress to Hawke.

"I didn't even know I owned this," Hawke remarked slipping on the dress. It fit perfectly exposing all of Hawke's curves. Any man would be crazy not to pounce on her. Hawke shook out her hair, letting it fall into the waves Isabela loved so much.

"It's perfect," she said.

"I told you I know what I'm doing. Now what are we waiting for sweet thing, to The Hanged Man," Isabela shouted skipping off with Hawke on her heels.

OOO

The Hanged Man was very crowded as Anders nursed his pint. People were everywhere and it wasn't helping in settling his paranoia. _Maker help me, why did I come here? _He thought_. Because you are stupid and in love. _True, he was stupid and very much in love. He thought about what The Old Anders would think of this, he'd probably find The New Anders boring and annoying. Most people did.

Fenris was glaring at him from across the table. The elf still wanted Anders dead after he had failed Hawke and for once Anders didn't blame him. Fenris was currently kicking his ass at Diamondback with that trademark scowl. Varric was sitting near Anders with his feet up on the table, Bianca sat loyally on his shoulder. Aveline was on guard petrol as she always was and Merrill was humming an old Dalish tune to herself whilst trying to grasp the rules of Diamondback. She seemed in good spirits ever since learning of Carver's survival. Anders knew her and the boy were friends.

"Hey… Where's Hawke?" Merrill asked perking up. "And Isabela."

Fenris merely shrugged keeping his eyes fixed on his hand. Just then Isabela's laugh came floating from the other room. The pirate entered, she had a woman with her and it took Anders a second to realize it was Hawke.

He had not meant for his jaw to drop, but that was what happened when he saw her. She looked so… So… There were no words to describe it. In that dress she was so very… Sexy was the only word Anders could use.

He jumped when Varric poked him in the ribs. "Blondie… Get a hold of yourself." The dwarf whispered. Anders could have sworn he had seen Isabela wink at Varric.

Isabela sat down next to Fenris and Hawke sat down next to Anders. He shifted in his seat when he felt the body heat radiate off of her. He should have never done this. He should be back at the clinic working on the manifesto. He needed a distraction and he needed one quickly.

He turned to Isabela. The lusty pirate met his gaze with a sultriness that made Anders gulp. "I keep thinking I know you from somewhere..."

"You're Fereldan, right? Ever spend time at the Pearl?" She responded a smile forming on her lips.

_ The Pearl. _The memories flooded back to him in rushes. Maker he was drunk that night. He remembered being with five different girls, including a pirate! _Of course it was her! _She had even pierced his ear as a reward for a certain _trick _he had performed for her.

"That's it!" He said, he thought of a time when he was young and free. A time when he could do whatever he wanted and the problems of others rolled off his back. A time when he wasn't bound by love and duty to stay in one place. "You used to really like that girl with the griffon tattoos, right? What was her name?"

The pirate sighed lustfully. "The Lay Warden?"

The Old Anders was starting to flood back. There were moments when Anders was like himself again, but they were quick and fleeting. He sometimes missed his old self. "That's right! I think you were there the night I—"

"Oh! Were you the runaway mage who could do that electricity thing? That was nice..."

There was a chuckle next to him. "Wait so you two?" Hawke's voice questioned.

Isabela laughed. "I've been with almost everyone sweet thing. It shouldn't be a surprise."

"You haven't been with any of us, well, besides Anders." Hawke said.

Isabela smiled. "That's because you're all playing hard to get."

"Well, considering the amount of action I've been getting, which is none, I think I'll have to take up the offer soon." Hawke said pushing out her chest.

Merrill turned red and Varric chuckled. Anders' jaw dropped for the second time that night. _This is good, she is moving on. No! It definitely is not good! _Hawke noticed Anders reaction and started to laugh. "I'm kidding!"

"Fenris, I'm thirsty. We should get a drink," Isabela said to the elf, who looked rather slack jawed himself.

Fenris returned to his glare. "Why should I?"

"Because if you go with me I won't reveal the color of your underclothes to everyone."

Fenris grumbled, but stood up and Isabela flounced behind him. Varric turned to Merrill. "Daisy, I think we should join them…"

"Why?" Merrill asked, and then she saw the look on Varric's face regarding Hawke and Anders. "Oh! Okay!"

They both followed Isabela and Fenris, leaving Hawke and Anders completely alone. She turned to him and gave him a smile. "So? You and Isabela…"

"That was a long time ago," Anders said. "I was a different man."

"Who did electricity tricks?"

Anders chuckled. "One of my famous _talents_."

Hawke got very close to Anders. "You'd have to show me sometime."

_You can't! _His mind screamed. _I can. _He responded. He leaned in close, his nose touching hers. Her eyes widened and her lips parted. She wanted this! He wanted this! And this time he wasn't going to resist.

That was when the door burst open, causing Anders to fly out of his seat onto the ground. Lucky for him because a dagger flew past his head and onto the wall, if he hadn't moved he would be dead. The culprit was a dwarf who was immediately run through with Fenris's great sword. He looked upon both Hawke and Anders. The elf was bloody and his tattoos were flaring.

"WE HAVE TO GO! NOW!" He said.

Hawke and Anders didn't need to be told twice. They ran from Varric's Suit, only to be ambushed by more dwarfs. Hawke had frozen all of them before they even got a chance to move. Fenris shattered all the frozen dwarves with his giant sword as they ran from the tavern until they had reached the streets, where many screaming civilians ran.

"THIS WAY!" Fenris said as he led them through Darktown. Anders realized that they were heading towards his clinic.

Fenris kicked down the door to the place where Isabela stood tending to a wound on her side. All of Hawke's companions were there, bleeding or out of breath. Varric and Merrill were currently holding an unfamiliar dwarf who was struggling in their grasp.

"What happened?" Hawke asked while Anders began to heal Isabela.

"Don't know… They just ran into The Hanged Man ready to kill us, but… We managed to catch one of them," Varric said, blood covered his face, but Bianca was as shiny as ever.

Hawke came closer until her and the dwarf were eye to eye. "Who sent you?"

"YOU BASTARDS! I WON'T TELL YOU ANYTHING!" He shouted.

That was when Fenris stepped forward next to Hawke. His markings flared with anger. "May I?" He asked her in a dark tone.

Hawke nodded as Fenris thrust his hand into the dwarf's chest. He screamed in agony. "Who sent you?" Hawke questioned again.

"Gah! Okay! Okay! I'll talk! Just make the freak stop!" He shouted.

"Fenris… Stop," Hawke said. When the elf removed his hand from the dwarf's chest Hawke grabbed his chin, aggression filled her eyes. "And do not call my friend a freak."

The dwarf gulped. "Dougal sent me... He wants his money… And he said the carta won't hesitate to kill any of you."

"Of course," Varric said. "No wonder its all dwarfs attacking us, Dougal has control of the carta!"

"Please, let me go, I've done my part." The dwarf said.

Before Hawke could even react Fenris stepped forward and ripped his heart out of his chest. Blood flew across the room as the dwarf slumped over.

"MAKER'S BREATH!" Anders yelled as he saw the massive hole in the dwarf's chest.

"What? You have something to say mage?" Fenris replied, with malice in his voice.

"You shouldn't have killed him!"

"If I didn't he'd be reporting back to Dougal the second he left this place."

"You don't know that!"

"You are an idiot!" Fenris snarled.

"At least I'm not a bigot!"

"Andraste's tits!" Isabela swore. "You two are like children sometimes!"

"All the time," Hawke retorted. Isabela laughed.

"It's done, he's dead, there's nothing we can do.. Now we have to pay our good friend Dougal a visit." Hawke said.


	13. The Plans

**All belongs to the awesomeness of Bioware**

**A/N: My reasons for being late involve tests, tests, and Game of Thrones! PS: Sorry for the short chapter, but the infiltration of the cave will make up for that ;D**

**Chapter 13**

According to Varric, Dougal had fled Kirkwall nearly two weeks ago and was operating in The Wounded Coast. Rumor has it that Dougal camped out in a heavily guarded cave, laced with booby-traps and carta members. They all knew Hawke's face and the faces of her companions. It was going to be tricky.

Hawke went over all of this as she sat at her writing desk. The note for Carver was scrawled out and ready to be sent, but something stopped Hawke.

_Dear Carver,_

_I hope Grey Warden training is going well, that Mabari tattoo might come in handy now. You need all the strength you can get I suppose. Is the sword you bought before The Deep Roads treating you well? I pray it didn't break, you loved it so. _

_The group is as scattered as ever. Dougal, the slimy, greasy, bastard wants his money… I had already paid him back in full a few months ago, but he wants more. I should have never trusted him. He attacked me at The Hanged Man, but I am safe as is mother. I hope you don't see any dwarfs in carta outfits hanging around because if you do, you might be in danger. _

_I'll be paying Dougal a visit shortly to make him stop once and for all._

_I miss you dearly_

_Love, _

_Hawke_

Hawke felt conflicted about the final words of her letter. She never once said she missed him or loved him. They were never exactly close, but due to Carver's situation Hawke felt she should at least be a bit more empathetic. He had said he missed her in his letters, which was a huge step for him. Was she ready to take the same step? Yes, she was. Hawke kept the letter exactly the way it was and handed it off to Sandal.

That was when Fenris came stalking through the door. He had been visiting a lot since the attack at The Hanged Man. He never explained his reasons, but Hawke didn't mind his company, as long as the mages were not a topic of conversation.

Hawke stood from her writing desk. "Fenris, come in… Well you just did…"

Fenris looked around her house in silence, a scowl fixed on his face. Hawke was not offended, for this was Fenris's usual expression. He made way to her library and stood near the hearth.

"Where are the others?" Hawke questioned.

"They will be here soon."

Hawke crossed her arms as Fenris moved over to her books. He had a look of confusion and longing on his face. Hawke suddenly became curious and walked over to him. Of the two emotions she had seen on Fenris, brooding and scowling, these ones were new.

"What's wrong?" She asked.

The scowl came back. "Nothing."

Hawke pulled one of the books Fenris was looking at from the shelf. It was the history of the elves. She had thought of giving it to Merrill. "You can borrow it any time you like Fenris."

"As much as I would like to there is a problem. Slaves are not permitted to read… I've never had the chance the learn." He said softly.

Hawke had never seen this much emotion in her companion. She went closer to him. "It's never to late… I could teach you…"

Fenris turned to her in one quick fluid motion. "Oh! So you're going to teach the poor slave to read!" His anger was evident.

Hawke did not cower away. "I am just trying to help… Maybe you can stop by once and awhile. I can teach you…"

Fenris calmed down at this and relaxed his shoulders. "Forgive me, I thank you for the offer… I have always wanted to learn of the elves…"

Hawke grinned. "Anytime Fenris…"

That was when the door opened and the rest of her friends came through. Anders was first and immediately ran to Hawke. "Are you alright?" He asked distressed.

Hawke giggled at his worry. "I'm fine, Dougal isn't going to attack me in the night."

Anders shoulders slumped. "I know… I am glad you are safe."

Hawke smiled sadly and patted his arm as her companions filled the room. Varric leaned against Hawke's writing desk. "Well, we all know that Dougal is hiding out in The Wounded Coast. I have managed to plant an informant in his ranks and she's going to get us inside. But only four of us… I naturally have to go because I look the part, but Hawke will have to decide who to bring." He said.

Hawke rubbed her chin in thought. "I'll need Isabela in order to sneak past the guards."

Isabela grinned. "I can do more than sneak, sweet thing."

Hawke rolled her eyes playfully. "I'll need strength… I don't want you to have trouble with your superiors Aveline, so Fenris will come."

Fenris nodded as Hawke surveyed the room. "We will need a healer in case things go south… Anders?"

Anders stood up straight. "I'd be honored."

"Then we are set. Let us make way for Dougal's camp." Hawke said.


	14. The Cave

**All belongs to the awesomeness of Bioware**

**A/N: Lost inspiration for awhile, but I found it again **** Also DA3 TRAILER :D**

**Chapter 14**

The trek to Dougal's hideout began that afternoon. Hawke left her other friends to protect her mother in case the Carta went after her. Varric, Isabela, Fenris, and Anders made it to The Wounded Coast in just a few hours, but before they could walk any further Varric stopped them.

"I just wanted to let you know that Dougal's place is very deep within the coast. My informant will be meeting us tonight, so we should make camp." Varric said.

"That's a good idea," Hawke replied.

Isabela sighed as she set up camp with Fenris. The deal that she and Varric made a year ago was going quite badly. Hawke and Anders were as awkward as ever. Carver was Maker knows where and Merrill was obsessed with her mirror. Isabela turned to Fenris who was brooding by the fire Hawke had created.

"What is it now darling?" She asked.

Fenris looked up at her. "What?"

"You're brooding again."

"I always brood according to everyone."

Isabela chuckled and sat next to him. There was a pregnant pause between the two before Fenris spoke up. "So I hear you think mages should be free."

"Everyone should be free. Not just mages." Isabela responded.

"Not everyone's dangerous," Fenris said.

"It's not about who's dangerous. It's about having choices made for you." Isabela snapped. "Don't you wish you had the choice not to have lyrium stuck under your skin?"

"I do."

Isabela sighed. "This is silly. I don't want to argue."

"Do you want to guess what color my underclothes are again?"

Isabela beamed. "Oh, yes, that's much more fun."

OOO

"They're getting on well," Hawke remarked looking at the elf and the pirate.

Anders glowered. "It seems they are."

Hawke hit him lightly on the arm. "Oh come now, I think they're cute."

"Of course you would think that."

"What is that supposed to mean?"

"You're a romantic at heart."

Hawke chuckled. "True, I always used to read the story of Esprit and his love Grace when I was a child."

Anders turned to Hawke who was now sitting on her bedroll. "I've never heard that story."

"Really, it's quite popular back in Ferelden. When the Orlesians occupied Ferelden they brought all of their stories with them. This one actually caught on. I think it will suit you, it is about mages after all."

Before Anders could speak someone shouted from up the path. "VARRIC!"

They all saw a small dwarf woman stumbling around in Carta armor run towards Varric as she hugged him mightily. "Cousin!" She chortled.

"Good to see you to Jemica," Varric said patting her on the back.

"Easy there Varric, I ain't as young as I used to be."

"You didn't tell me your informant was your cousin," Hawke said.

"Oh my dear sweet Hawke, there are many things I don't tell you. It's all being saved for my autobiography."

The dwarven woman broke from the embrace and faced Hawke. She was taller than Varric, but not by much. Her hair was a fiery red, her face was dotted with freckles, and her blue eyes gleamed with youth. A shield and a mace were strapped to her back. She did not look related to Varric in the slightest, but from what Hawke had read dwarves had many extended relativities.

Jemica rolled her eyes and turned to Hawke. A huge smile spread across her face. "You must be Hawke… Varric never stops talking about you in his letters… I thought he was in love with you."

"Jemica, you know I don't lay with humans," Varric jested.

Hawke over dramatically slapped a hand over her heart. "But you are so beautiful Varric!" She said.

Varric laughed. "Calm down, I know I'm irresistible."

Jemica grinned at Anders. "Well, she already has a boyfriend…"

Anders eyes widened as he awkwardly stumbled from Hawke's side. "Um—no, we're just…" He said trying to find words to befit the situation.

"Friends," Hawke completed smoothly, almost coldly.

"Oh… Anyway I brought information," Jemica whispered. "Dougel plans to leave Kirkwall tomorrow, he knows you are coming for him. He expected you all to be killed at The Hanged Man, but that didn't happen. You have to strike and you have to strike now."

Hawke knew that the dwarf was right. Dougel would be long gone by tomorrow and Hawke wanted to make sure he never hurt anyone she loved. That would have to take brute force. "I am ready, we go now… Everyone gather your possessions!"

OOO

Anders knew one thing for sure as they climbed up the side of the mountain were Dougel's encampment was that Hawke was a natural born leader. She took command immediately saying that they needed to be stealthy in order to get the jump on Dougel and she was right. It took hours to get over the jagged rock and all of them fell quite a few times, even Fenris. When they reached Dougel's cave Isabela began to set up traps by the mouth of the cave while the rest waited.

Anders sauntered slowly over to Hawke. After their latest awkward encounter (there seemed to be a lot of those lately.) Anders felt it best of him to apologize. "Hawke?"

She raised her head to him accidently showing her hands. They were marred with deep cuts from the rocks and Anders inwardly cursed himself for not noticing.

"You're hurt," he said taking her hand and examining it.

"Anders, calm down… I wasn't stabbed or anything, it's just a cut."

"Why do you never tell me when you are hurt?"

"I don't want to burden you," Hawke said as he began to heal.

"You never burden me," Anders said. For extra effect he took her chin in his hand. "Never."

He saw Hawke's face redden and her body started to quake in anticipation. In that instant Fenris tripped over another rock and landed on the ground. He shouted out many curses in an unfamiliar language as Anders pulled away from Hawke to meet the elf.

"Fenris! Are you alright," Isabela asked running over to him.

That was odd… Isabela never addressed Fenris by his first name. It was always darling or sweet thing. It was so unlike her.

The elf got up and dusted himself off. He gave a nod of thanks to Isabela for her sympathy and stalked off towards the cave. "So? Are we going?" He asked.

The others followed him, stepping carefully over Isabela's carefully laid traps. Jemica took the lead. "Dougel should be right in front…" She said.

Varric placed a hand on his cousin's shoulder. "Jem, you don't know what this means to me. I've had too many family members betray me. It's good to know someone is on my side."

She flashed him a grin. "No problem."

Right at that second an arrow flew from the darkness and hit Anders in the shoulder. With a yelp of pain he hit the ground. Hawke blasted the archer with a rain of fire as Isabela took out her daggers and Fenris his sword. Thousands of Carta members began pouring through different paths of the cave. Varric got three of them with Bianca and Jemica managed to slice some with her mace.

"It's a trap!" Jemica yelled over the clash of steel.

Hawke and Fenris always worked well together in battle. Even though he hated to admit it. Hawke froze some soldiers as Fenris tore them apart with his great sword. Isabela threw her daggers in a flurry. They were all covered in sweat and blood when half the group was cut down.

Hawke had forgotten about Anders during the fighting, but now that some of the pressure was off she could check on him. "Anders?" She asked over her shoulder as the rest of the Carta surrounded her.

They all formed a tight circle as the Carta attacked them. One of them must have slipped through their defense because he jumped up Hawke knocking the wind out of her and sending her upon the floor. His dagger drove itself into her arm and Hawke screamed in pain. She had suffered worse, but this had taken her by surprise. Just when she thought it was over the dwarf's head suddenly flew from his body with the quick flick off the sharp edge of a staff.

She saw Anders standing above her. She could have kissed him that moment. Well she could have kissed him at any moment. "Anders thank yo—"

The figure that rose to defend her was not Anders.


	15. Trapped Again

**All belongs to the awesomeness of Bioware**

**A/N: So the reason for all these delays is that I was working on some other stories that will be showing up soon… But summer break is right around the corner and I'll have a ton of time to write then. Thank you for being so patient with me **

**Chapter 15**

Justice wiped out every single Carta member in his path. Hawke had to admire the spirit for his skills in battle. His movements were otherworldly as he spun with a grace that Anders never possessed. To Hawke he was not Anders, the man she loved with every fiber of her being, the man she wanted to grow old with, the man she would do anything for… No this was Justice, Anders' tormenter and she hated him for that. Anders was so kind, so good, and so wonderful in every way. He did not deserve such misfortunes.

Justice destroyed all of the Carta and Hawke's companions could no more than watch. Her bleeding arm seemed to not even matter anymore. All she could do was watch Justice. It was almost mesmerizing, to feel the power radiating off of him that Hawke was sure no one else noticed, for they were not mages.

Then Hawke saw it out of the corner of her eye. Dougal! He was standing near the mouth of the cave, the only survivor. He was covered in blood and his yellow, almost golden eyes shown in the darkness. He moved slowly away from the cave like a feline. Jemica must have seen this to because she was about to charge for him when Varric caught her arm.

"Do you honestly think I'm stupid Jem?" Dougal asked with his hands on his hips. "But being honest myself I did not expect your betrayal. However, I prepared for this day… I know you pathetic rats don't care about your own lives… But… Her… You care about her more than all else."

It took Hawke a minute to realize he was talking about her. Then she noticed it… The cave floor was covered in soot… Black soot… _JARVIS_! She thought, the black powder that he had stolen from the Arishok. Hawke had sent him away and in his rage he must have sold to Dougal.

She was about to scream for her friends to run when the floor completely caved in. Hawke's yelp of surprise echoed off the walls, followed by a grunt of pain and the cracking of bones when she landed. The cave had layers that lead down to the sewers of Kirkwall, that much she knew. She used to take Smugglers jobs down here.

Hawke groped in the darkness for something to help her up. She felt the coolness of the cave wall against her fingertips as she supported herself. Her bones felt as if they were on fire when she took the first step, but she had to keep walking. She had to find Dougal. _It's useless he got away… _

Hawke had been defeated before, but never humiliated. Dougal's image sent a fire of hatred through her. She let out a cry of frustration when she lost her balance and fell. Even more cracking was heard amidst the lightless place. She wished she could heal or cast a light, but her mana was completely drained.

"Hawke?"

She lifted her head at the sound of the familiar voice. She sensed magic as well… _Could it be?_ "Anders?" She croaked.

The figure rushed towards her nearly tripping many times in order to get to her. It was Anders, he looked pretty bruised himself, but Justice's presence was gone and he was himself again. Hawke thanked the Maker for that. She collapsed into his arms as he held her so tightly it hurt her broken bones.

Anders could have cried in that very moment. She was alive and his world was whole again. He let himself have this one moment. He tangled his fingers in her hair and held her as he would a lover. He knew he would never be able to have her like this again.

"How did you? The explosion?" She asked.

Anders chuckled. "Justice distracted me… Apparently he had no interest in running."

Hawke lifted her head from his shoulder. "At least we're together…"

Anders gently laid Hawke on the ground and began to heal her shattered bones. That was when he heard a shout in the darkness. "HELLLLOOOO?"

He then saw Varric's cousin Jemica waddle towards them. Her gigantic armor did not seem to faze her. Neither did all the cuts on her face. "There you are!" She remarked with a grin. Anders noticed rows of crooked teeth.

"Do you need healing?" Anders asked as he finished up with Hawke.

"Nah, I'm all right… I say we look for the others and then find that bastard Dougal."

Hawke slowly got to her feet with Anders' help. "It's too late, he's gone…"

Jemica snorted. "Please, one thing I know about Dougal is that he is terrible at hiding… Be it minutes or years he won't hesitate to show his ugly face in Kirkwall again… We just have to wait and be patient." She commented. "His Carta is torn to pieces, he can't threaten us anymore."

"You're right… For now we need to find Fenris, Varric, and Isabela." Hawke replied.

"This is cave is pretty complicated. Chances are that they landed on the other side of the place and with no light it is going to be difficult to find them…" Jemica said.

"I'm sure they're not far," Anders said.

"Knowing those three they're probably fine," Hawke murmured.

OOO

"Andraste's Bloody Tits!" Isabela yelled as she tripped yet again.

Fenris turned around at the sound of her shout. They had landed right next to each other… Well rather on top of each other, which Isabela enjoyed profusely. His armor took the brunt of fall and it was becoming uncomfortable to walk in.

Having Isabela as company did not ease his pain…

Varric was well ahead of the two. They found him shortly after their tumble. Despite the recent events he was relatively calm… Fenris on the other hand wanted to rip someone's head off.

"I get trapped in cave again… Not adding this to the story," Varric mumbled irritably.

Fenris caught up to the dwarf who had been talking to himself for the past few hours they had been wandering. Fenris did not worry for his sanity, for the dwarf was a storyteller and storytellers had a habit of talking to themselves… He knew that much from the people he encountered on his travels.

"What exactly is this story?" Fenris asked the dwarf.

Varric smiled and went in stride with the elf. "The story of Hawke and her epic journey… It could be useful in the future to know all the details."

"Why aren't you the main character if you are writing this story?"

Varric simply shrugged. "I'm not fit to be a main character, Elf… Hawke was always the leading lady."

"What Dougal said before about all of us caring about her?"

"It's true… No matter how many of us don't want to admit it. She's the stuff that binds us misfits together."

Fenris knew that Varric was right. What reason would he even stay in Kirkwall if not for Hawke? She had given him friends, a home, and security. It was more than he could ever ask for. She was the best companion he could ever have, even if their opinions differed on many things.

He felt a hand on his shoulder that moved him from his thoughts. Isabela was leaning on him in order to tighten the straps on her boots. Fenris did not like being touched, but Isabela was an exception.

"Why do you live in that abandoned house?" Isabela asked when she was done. "It must be dreadful."

"The same reason you live in a tavern…"

Isabela beamed. "Well, I live in a tavern so a quick drink and a romp are only a few seconds away. Your house just screams 'I hate you all I was a slave.'"

"I live there because it has enough space for my dance routines," Fenris japed.

Isabela laughed and then stopped short. "Did you just make me laugh? Intentionally?"

"It was no joke. I dance through the hallways naked while singing songs."

Isabela gave him a sly grin. "I'd like to join you in this naked dancing."

"We can do more than dance…" Fenris suggested.

Isabela fanned herself dramatically. "Oh stop it! I'll never get out of this cave while you and that voice of yours are distracting me."

For the first time he could remember Fenris chuckled.

That was when they heard Varric who was way ahead of them at this point. "Oh shit," echoed off the walls.

Fenris and Isabela broke into a run to see what Varric was talking about.

They found him standing in a new section of the cave. There was a dull blue glow within the room and it wasn't long before Fenris noticed the glowing Lyrium planted in the walls.

**A/N #2: Here's a picture of Jemica just so you get a sense of what she looks like /r/28s0uv5/5 I had a ton of fun creating her :)**


	16. Jemica

**All belongs to the awesomeness of Bioware**

**A/N: I'm back the writing train again :D. So more chapters will be up soon.**

**Chapter 16**

The cave almost seemed alive with the glow of Lyrium. It made Jemica terribly tense. She had never been around the stuff before and with Varric's tale of Bartrand's insanity she wanted nothing to do with it. She glanced at her new companions as they tailed behind her. Hawke seemed in awe of the place, constantly running her hand on the walls. Anders gritted his teeth, he looked as if he was in pain.

"So? How does a normal dreary cave suddenly start to glow?" She asked to herself.

Hawke heard her and shrugged. "I've seen stranger things. Besides it helps us see… I don't consider that a bad thing."

Jemica continued to walk at her brisk pace. She was intent on finding Varric. If she let him die down here she would never forgive herself. "I know Dougal was doing some work with apostates down here but… I never expected…"

"Work with apostates?" Anders asked.

Jemica's skin crawled at the memory as she recalled it. "Dougal found some apostates hiding out here and he said he'd turn them into the Templars if they didn't help him… He took them down here and I never saw them again. However, I did hear the screams… Maker knows what he was doing to them."

Anders' demeanor changed on a dime. He drew himself up and suddenly became angry. "And you did nothing to stop this?!"

Jemica turned to face the mage. She had fought humans before and was not scared of him in the slightest. She thought she might have seen his skin glow, but it was probably a trick of the light. "I tried! That's how I earned this," Jemica pointed to her cheek where a thin scar ran from there to her upper lip. "That was when I decided to start informing on him."

The mage still seemed enraged when Hawke put a hand on his arm. "Anders…" She said quietly.

She saw his cheeks turn red and his shoulders slump. _Maker's breath, he's in love. _Jemica saw that Hawke still kept her hand on his arm as they walked. Whispering sweet nothings to him. _He must be ill in the head… _Jemica thought. She remembered Varric mentioning something about him to her, but went into no further detail.

Jemica was brought away from her thoughts, as she felt something fly past her head. She took her mace from her back and geared up for a fight.

"Jem?" Varric asked as he ran towards her.

"Varric!" She yelled pulling her cousin into a friendly hug.

"I thought you were one of Dougal's men," he remarked, and then he looked at his crossbow. "Bianca has a hard time telling friend from foe sometimes."

"I'm more offended that you thought I was a man!" Jemica said, swatting him on the shoulder.

Varric chuckled as the pirate and the elf Jemica had met earlier emerged from the shadows. The pirate ran over to Hawke pulled her into a hug. "I thought we lost you," she said.

Hawke smiled, white teeth showing in the dim light. "You can't loose me that easily. I'm indestructible."

The pirate turned to Jemica. "I don't believe we met. I'm Isabela and the broody one over there is Fenris," she said. Fenris gave her a curt nod.

Hawke turned to Jemica. She could already tell that this human was the leader of the group. Which seemed odd because from Varric's letters she expected Hawke to be a beautiful warrior queen, but reality was a harsh mistress. In truth Hawke wielded no great sword, was delicate, and was no great beauty. But Varric was right about a few things, she was resourceful, feisty, and knew how to fight. She was not a noble lady who sat at home knitting all day and Jemica admired her for that. Hawke also must have earned the admiration of many others from the tight knit group she had.

"What do you suggest we do next?" Hawke asked the dwarven woman.

Jemica's eyes widened with shock. "You're asking me?"

"You know this cave more than the rest of us," Hawke said.

Jemica looked to her new companions. "I've only been down here a few times when I had to smuggle supplies, but I know there is an exit. I suggest we follow the Lyrium to see where it leads us." She commented. "Also, we should get rest before we set out. Who knows how long this trek will take?"

Hawke considered her words for a moment before nodding. "Let's set up camp."

"Um… Hawke, hate to burst that bubble of yours but we have no supplies." Isabela remarked casually

Hawke frowned. "Then I hope you all like rocky terrain." She said as she sat on the ground.

"I do have some food," Varric said reaching into his pack. He pulled out strips of meat that would satisfy them, for now.

As Jemica chewed on her piece of meat she wondered if they would ever escape. Dougal's right hand man Vergal would often talk about the dungeons he kept here. Dougal was an ass, but he was no sadist like Vergal. When Dougal caught the mages he gave them to Vergal in order to extract their power for reasons unknown to Jemica. Vergal was capable of cruelty that even disgusted Dougal at times. He was the one that cut Jemica when she spoke up.

Dougal had gotten rid of him after he apparently experimented on a Carta member. Jemica shivered at the thought. Vergal was obsessed with the idea of giving magic back to the dwarves. He used copious amounts of Lyrium and she guessed the walls were a part of his tests somehow. The rumor was that Vergal still hid down her experimenting on naughty Carta members.

But that was just a rumor…

Jemica laid on her back in order to get some sleep when she noticed how cold it was down her. She began to tremble in her massive armor.

Tonight was going to be a long one.


	17. If Only

**All belongs to the awesomeness of Bioware**

** A/N: So my computer is completely evil and fried on me, taking my Dragon Age saves with it. Luckily my writing was spared, but I have been focusing time on replaying the games. I have also discovered mods and that's taken over my life… Thank you for all the reviews, favorites, and patience :D.**

**Chapter 17**

Anders awoke to the sound of Jemica scurrying around in her oversized armor. The rest of his companions were still asleep and he noticed that Hawke had been next to him during his slumber.

_If only I could hold her, every night and every day._

"Oh stop that!" Someone hissed from the far side of the cave.

Anders raised his head to find Jemica staring at him with a look of annoyance. He walked quietly to her to see what the fuss was about.

"Stop what?" He asked.

"Makers breath, if you love her you wouldn't be doing this…"

Anders' cheeks immediately turned red. "What? No. No. No. I think you have the wrong idea."

Jemica snorted. "Please, you're so obvious that you should just have a tattoo that says 'I'm madly in love with Hawke'."

_Am I that obvious? _Anders could do no more to deny it, he only sighed. "You don't understand."

"Okay, enlighten me," the dwarven woman said.

"I'm a monster."

"A little annoying, maybe," Jemica japed. "But a monster—"

"I will hurt her."

"You're hurting her already."

Anders rubbed the bridge of his nose. Carver had told him the same thing as he was being marched off to the Wardens. "I'm sure Hawke doesn't return my affections."

"You have to be blind and stupid to see that Hawke—"

"To see that Hawke what?" A voice said from behind them.

Anders spun around to come face to face with Hawke. "To see that Hawke…"

Hawke smiled and tweaked his nose. "It's fine Anders. I know you wouldn't say anything offensive about me or I'd freeze you where you stood."

Anders laughed nervously, his ears burning as Hawke skipped off to wake her other friends. He turned to Jemica, who had a knowing grin on her face.

"I suggest we get moving," he remarked when everyone was awake. His ears were ringing and the sooner he got fresh air the better.

Isabela let out a huge yawn. "Let's go then. I'm ready to get out of this place."

Hawke lead the way as Anders followed sullenly. Fenris managed to get into a conversation with Jemica about swords of all things and Isabela hung back in order to get next to Varric.

"Our pact is going rather badly," she said.

Varric chuckled. "Tell me about it… Carver get's shipped off to the Wardens. Merrill's obsessed with an intimate object. Hawke's completely oblivious to everything and Anders won't give in."

"To top it off we're trapped in a cave."

"Second time for me," Varric said.

"Hawke?!" A voice from the far side of the cave yelled.

Hawke stopped in her tracks causing Jemica to bump into her. The voice had come from no one in the group. It sounded like…

Merrill came bumbling down the cave with Aveline by her side. They were covered in dirt, but rather unharmed. Merrill pulled Hawke into a large hug.

"Merrill!? What are you doing here?!" Hawke asked.

"Leandra sent us, she was worried something happened to you and she was right." Aveline commented.

"How did you—" Anders began to ask.

"We had some help," Merrill said.

"From who?" Isabela asked.

"Come on!" Merrill said cheerfully as she escorted them to a giant hole in the cave. It looked like an explosion, on the other side stood Sandal, the dwarf from The Deep Roads and his father Bodahn. Hawke noticed that Darktown was behind them… This cave lead all the way to the sewers of Darktown…

"Boom," Sandal said when he saw them.

"Did he do this?" Hawke asked in amazement.

Merrill nodded. "I've never seen anything like it Hawke."

"When I heard you were in trouble my boy and I couldn't sit around. We had to help!" Bodhan declared cheerfully. "Sandal has these special runes and they were put to good use."

Aveline put a hand on Hawke's shoulder. "Let's get you home."

OOO

When everyone went to their respective homes the first order of business for Anders was a bath. It was a luxury that he usually did not partake on, but it was a special occasion.

After he finished his bath night was upon him. He changed into trousers when he heard a rapping on his door. That was odd… The lanterns were not lit. It could be Templars… Anders quickly grabbed his staff and opened the door.

He heaved a sigh of relief when it was only Hawke. "May I come in?" She asked.

Anders nodded as she walked into the clinic. There was something different about her tonight… Her hair was down and in those waves, she smelled of fresh lilies, and she was wearing her usual armor. She looked more beautiful than ever…

Anders nearly slapped himself. He needed to stop this. It was becoming an unhealthy obsession. "What brings you here tonight?" He asked.

Hawke bit her lip and blushed. _Makers breath, why does she do that!? _"My mother is trying to set me up with other nobles, she wants me to get married."

Anders heart dropped. She couldn't… "I can't imagine you married," he said forcing himself to chuckle.

"Believe me... I'm better at killings things than I am being a housewife." She said. "Anders?"

He leaned back against one of his tables to support himself. Hawke married… His one true love, his reason for fighting, his strength. The thought of her being promised to another hurt more than anything in the world. "Yes Hawke?"

"I have to tell you something and promise you won't run away," She said, her wonderful eyes were shimmering. Why did she look so sad? When Anders did not respond Hawke grabbed his shoulder. "Promise me."

Anders gulped. Her hand made his entire shoulder burn. "I promise."

Hawke staggered away from him. Silent tears ran down her face. "I'm in love with you."

Anders nearly fell over. _She loves me! _How could he never see? Jemica told him herself that he had to be blind and stupid to see she didn't. All those touches, blushes, and conversations... Hawke wasn't just looking for a romp; she wanted him, all of him. He wanted to reach out and kiss her. To be hers, to swear his love forever…

"I love you so much that I don't know what to do anymore. You're so kind, compassionate, and perfect. Every day I think about you and what we could be sharing, but aren't because I haven't admitted how I felt. Please, if you'll have me, I'll love you till the day we die… I'll fight for you and be with you through everything. I need you, I love you, and I can't imagine life without you." She confessed.

_Oh my love, if only I could say the same… _He wanted to make his own confession. He wanted to stand against the world with her… If only he could tell her how he felt. If only he could hold her every day and night. If only he could love her with all his heart. He wished he had met her sooner, he wished he had never accepted that damn spirit into his head. The mages did not matter, the Templars did not matter, and the world did not matter. He needed her as she needed him. _No… You will hurt her; let her believe you don't love her. _The more sensible part of his mind said.

Anders gritted his teeth and looked at her. "I am flattered Hawke…" He said. _No! I can't, please don't! _He thought when she began to tremble. "But I cannot return your affections."

Hawke began to cry very hard at that point. The sobs racked her body and Anders could not watch. He turned his back to her. _This is for the best. She needs more. She deserves more… _She then stormed out of the clinic, slamming the door behind her.

_Maybe someday I can be with her… _Anders thought hours later as he prepared for bed. _If only…_

** A/N: This was one of the hardest things I have ever had to write in my life… GOD THE ANGST! Also check out the song If Only by the Dave Matthews Band, which helped me write this impossible chapter.**


	18. Courtship

**All belongs to the awesomeness of Bioware**

**Chapter 18**

**Many Weeks Later…**

It was quiet in the clinic when Varric entered. He had been waiting around Darktown nearly every day for Blondie to be free, but a new bout of fever that was spreading took all of the mage's free time.

Varric saw Blondie hunched over some potion and he looked fairly exhausted. _That kid needs to eat, _Varric thought. Those robes weren't doing a good job of hiding his malnourishment.

"Blondie?" He asked.

Anders raised his head to look at Varric. He had not seen the dwarf in some time, but then again he had not seen his other companions for a while either. "Hello Varric," he said, trying to smile. "Do you need healing?"

Varric shook his head. "Nah, I came to talk to you about Jemica."

Anders raised an eyebrow in question. "What about? Didn't she head for Orlais?"

The dwarf nodded. "I just wanted to apologize for her behavior. I heard your conversation in the cave and she can be a bit _overbearing. _It's a bad habit of the Tethras family."

"It's not a problem."

"Look Blondie, I'm not asking you to be with Hawke, that's your choice, but I'm asking you to be her friend. She needs you." He paused. "We need you."

"I'm honored Varric bu—"

Varric raised a hand. "Just come to The Hanged Man, you don't even have to talk to her, some of us just missed you and it would be nice to know you're alive."

Anders chuckled. He had been shuffling like a dead man for the past few weeks and maybe just one night… _No! There is work to be done! _He ignored his own grating thoughts and told Varric he would be there. Seeing Hawke would be difficult, but he vowed to be there as a friend, no matter how much he loved her. It was the right choice to let her down easy. He just hoped she would forgive him. Hawke hating him was a fate worse than death.

OOO

Isabela came to the Hawke estate when the sun was disappearing behind the rooftops of Kirkwall. It was not unlike her to visit, but Hawke had been acting rather suspicious these past few weeks. She had told her about the situation with Anders and just when Isabela was going to give the mage a piece of her mind Varric stopped her. He said that they were all being too overbearing and needed to give the pair space. Isabela knew he was right, but it still hurt to see her best friend in such pain.

Instead of breaking in, Isabela knocked on the door. Bodahn opened it. Since the incident in The Cave, Bodahn had been hired into Hawke's service. He was handsome for a dwarf, maybe if he were up for it...

Isabela's naughty thoughts were interrupted when she realized she walked directly into a dinner party. Leandra who was sitting at the head of the table stood abruptly, knocking over her chair in the process. Isabela spied two redheads sitting next to each other. One was older and she remembered that wild night she had with a certain redhead in Viscount's Keep after one too many ales. Bran… That was his name… Seneschal Bran. He was a tiger when they romped on the Viscount's desk.

The one sitting next to him must have been his son. He was uglier than his father. He had the same red hair and high cheekbones, but a brutish nose and an odd smile. She remembered Seneschal Bran spoke of him in his drunken stupor. His name was Ben, the future Seneschal and it looked as if Leandra was trying to set him up with Hawke.

Then Isabela spied Hawke sitting amidst all of them. The first thing Isabela noticed was that Hawke had cut her hair. Her raven locks no longer fell down her shoulders, but now stayed above them. Her eyes still gleamed blue like Lyrium in the candlelight and she looked delighted.

"Who are you, madam?" Seneschal Bran's son asked politely. His contorted smile revealed rows of yellow teeth.

"Isabela," she said confidently. "And I've come to deliver some news to Messere Hawke."

Hawke already knew what Isabela was up to and overdramatically put a hand on her chest. "What has happened?" She queried, playing along with Isabela's ruse.

"We must converse in the courtyard. I do not want to trouble your mother's ears with our talk." Isabela had frequented noble parties before or rather raided them. But she knew how to talk like a noble and used it to her advantage.

Hawke stood from her seat and walked with Isabela to the courtyard. She noticed that the flowers Merrill had planted earlier were in full bloom. "Thank the Maker you came!" Hawke said hugging her friend tightly. "I could hardly take another minute that man."

"He's not the most attractive man, but he seems alright."

Hawke sighed and placed a hand on her head. "All he talked about the entire dinner was how The Gallows is too lenient. He ranted that the Templars need to crack down harder on mages." Hawke remarked. "The way he spoke of mages… It was so hateful."

Isabela shrugged. "People can be hateful. Towards anyone or anything." She commented. Then a smile spread across her face. "But let's forget about that and go have a drink!"

"I can't just ditch my future fiancé!"

Isabela chortled. "Future fiancé my ass! I see more chance of you marrying a toad." She then grasped Hawke's hand and literally dragged her from the courtyard to The Hanged Man.

OOO

They arrived when the crowd was in full swing. Varric greeted them with open arms, Merrill beamed, and Hawke swore she even saw Fenris smile. She missed her friends with all her heart. They were her family and being a noble was never going to change that.

"You cut your hair," Isabela observed after a few drinks and games of Diamondback.

Hawke played with a strand and grinned. "I needed a change," was her simple answer. She did need a change after her heartbreak. She needed to move on from him, he made his feelings clear and she needed to respect that. _Yet, _there was this niggling in the back of her mind that he was not being honest when he told her he did not return her affections. She had seen the way he looked at her, she wasn't blind. _It is just a girlish fantasy! _Her mind screamed. _Stop acting like a child. _So she dismissed the thought.

"I need a drink," she said abruptly and went over to the bar. When she reached the bartender she realized she had forgotten her coin purse at home and cursed.

"Hawke," she heard from her side. When she turned to meet her caller she came face to face with Anders. Her heart nearly exploded out of her chest.

"Anders," she whispered. _Regain your words! _"I-I-I, it's been awhile."

"It has," he said awkwardly. "Varric invited me."

_You can still save your friendship, _she thought. "I am glad, you need a night out."

"I heard you were entertaining Seneschal Bran's son tonight," he said.

Hawke shook her head. "The future Seneschal Ben was not…" He was not kind or compassionate. He did not dedicate his life to helping others. He did not have beautiful eyes the color of brandy that crinkled when he smiled. He did not have a smile that made her shake was excitement. _He was not you. _"He was not up to my standards."

Anders bit his cheeks to keep from smiling. He patted her shoulder, nearly shuddering at the contact. _Oh how I missed you my love. _"Don't worry Hawke, someday someone will be."

She nodded sadly. "Now that that serious business is over, let's get you a drink. Maker knows you need it."


	19. Bethany

**All belongs to the awesomeness of Bioware**

** A/N: Okay, I know, I'm sorry for being so very late, but I've been off in Sherlock and Star Trek land for quite sometime. So expect some of those stories xD **

**Chapter 19**

_Dear Carver_

_It's been two years since our flight from Lothering and Bethany's passing. It feels so odd, it's almost as if she could walk through the door right now. I wonder what it would be like if she made it to Kirkwall. I am sure our companions would have loved her as much as we did. She was the sweetest girl._

_I hope you are faring well with the Grey Wardens and I know you miss mother's cooking. She refuses to hire a cook because she loves to make dinner. Do you remember those two dwarfs from The Deep Roads expedition? Bodhan and Sandal, well, they have now been hired into my service and they seem very happy. _

_I miss you Carver and if you ever get a chance to come home… Please visit me, or even Merrill. She misses you even more than I do and that's saying something._

_Your Sister,_

_Hawke_

She turned her thoughts away from Carver and over to Bethany. The last image of her sister was her face before she charged at the Ogre. It was a mixture of fear and determination. Bethany knew she wasn't going to make it out alive, but did it to protect her mother.

Hawke distinctly remembered Bethany's image because of a certain boy in Lothering who loved to sketch portraits. He would find these rocks on the ground that could mark paper and he was an exquisite artist. The boy had been in love with Bethany and kindly drew her face many times. She was sure that Bethany loved the boy back, but that relationship was shrouded in mystery and always would be. The last thing Hawke did before she left Bethany's body was take the portrait she knew her sister had shoved into her pocket, as a last reminder.

The portrait was crinkled as it was laid out on Hawke's desk. She didn't know what to do with her day. Her mother had taken a walk with some of her new noble friends and wouldn't be back until nightfall. They had different ways or grieving.

A knock on the door made Hawke jump. She had given Bodhan and Sandal a day off, so she answered the door herself. All of her companions were on the other side. They looked rather odd, standing together as one big mismatched group.

"What are you doing here?" Hawke asked.

Varric shrugged. "Can't we just visit a friend?"

"Has something happened?" Hawke queried with a raised eyebrow.

Isabela rolled her eyes playfully and took Hawke's hand gently. "Merrill told us about Bethany. She thought it would be good if we kept you company."

Merrill smiled shyly. "It's just that… Carver told me… And I thought it would…"

Hawke hugged the elven girl, cutting her off. "It's alright Merrill. Frankly, I am overjoyed! Come in!" She said ushering all her friends inside.

They all entered and Isabela immediately went to Hawke's desk and noticed the picture. "Was this her?"

Hawke nodded. "She must have been an amazing girl," Anders commented. This was the first time Hawke noticed his presence.

"More than amazing, the best person I knew."

"She was your sister after all," he said with a light smile, but Hawke still noticed the bags under his eyes. She placed a hand on his arm and felt him tense.

"Are you alright?"

"Don't worry about me Hawke," he remarked, trying to maintain levity in his voice, when his mind was screaming.

Hawke pushed some hair out her eyes. "It's Grace," she whispered.

Anders did a double take. "What?"

"My given name, it is Grace."

"Why do you never use it? Grace is a lovely name," Anders commented, _for a lovely girl._

"My father named me after the first girl he ever loved, I am still not sure if it is in a romantic sense, but… She died in her Harrowing and he lost her forever. Every time I think of my name, I think of her and how unfairly she died. It just makes me angry."

It did make Anders angry, but he dared not show it as Hawke went off to talk to her other friends. "Grace Hawke," he muttered to himself. He tested the words in his mind. _I love Grace Hawke. _The sentence sent tingles through his stomach. He felt as if he were a child again. Free from the world, free from Justice, free from everything except his love of Grace Hawke.

OOO

Isabela stared at the red walls of the Hawke estate when Fenris approached. He moved as silent as a cat sometimes. "Hello there handsome."

He glowered as he usually did. "Hello."

"A little birdie told me that Hawke is teaching you how to read," she said with a mischievous grin.

A scowl rippled across his features, he said nothing.

"So, I wanted to give you a little present," she said putting a book into his hands.

Fenris looked at the book with something akin to shock on his face. He squinted at the words when he flipped through the pages. "Av-Av-Aveline always knew she w-w-wanted Don-Don-Donnic, but she had never been able to fu-fu-fu."

"Fulfill her desires," Isabela finished seductively.

Fenris snapped the book shut in a fluid motion and Isabela giggled when she saw his cheeks were flaming. Aveline who had been standing nearby huffed in annoyance. "You have the wrong idea about my fellow Guardsman, Isabela."

"Oh sure I do!" Isabela remarked sarcastically.

She turned back to Fenris to see that he eyes were directly on her. She drew in a sharp breath. "I thank you for the gift, maybe you can give me reading lessons sometime."

"Anytime," Isabela said putting a hand on his leg.

With that Fenris stood up and shuffled over to Varric who was telling another story to Merrill. Isabela once again giggled.

She would have him soon enough, but little did she know she would have to wait a very long time…


	20. Years Gone By

**All belongs to the awesomeness of Bioware**

** A/N: I know… I know... I know… I am late yet again, but blame Benedict Cumberbatch, Sherlock, and Star Trek… Sorry, here's a short little chapter to fill you in ****. Also school is starting again, so updates might be a bit sluggish.**

**Chapter 20**

In the years that passed things were rather boring. Minimal gangs crawled the streets of Kirkwall, the Qunari were rather peaceful, and things went on as they did. Winter turned into Spring, Spring turned into Summer, Summer turned into Fall and so on. This cycle repeated for quite a while and things remained the same…

Hawke grew more popular amongst the nobility, but that didn't stop her from going on the adventures she was fond of. She still remained with her dear friends and they soon became quite famous in the city.

The lusty pirate who took a new lover every night. Who disappeared time and time again in order to reunite with her true love, the sea and to search for a lost item. Yet she always returned to The Hanged Man with a smile and a pint, it was almost as if she never left.

The brooding elf who never wandered outside. He mostly stayed in his rather terrifying armor and his sour facial expression did not fade. He worried about his former Master coming for him and it made for many sleepless nights. His relationship with the pirate woman was rumored to be romantic, but no one knew for sure, although the elf insisted it was platonic.

The brave Guard Captain who was determined to remove the stain from her former employer's corruption and did so very well. Every single one of her recruits respected her greatly and even one of them was beginning to admire her in a more than friendly sense, but the Guard Captain did not notice, for she was rather awkward when it came to the ways of love. She still helped her friend Hawke no matter what, but had to put off many escapades for her duties.

The shy elf girl who stayed in the Alienage had difficulty trying to settle into her new life. She desperately missed Carver, the man she loved and torn away from her. They kept a writing correspondence, hoping to see each other soon. She had been spending more and more of her time away from the mysterious mirror and instead decided to explore Kirkwall. By the time the year was up she had been everywhere from Lowtown's nug racing track to the Viscount's bath chambers. The Viscount was rather fond of the timid elf girl and looked upon her as a daughter of sorts even if he never considered elves to be equal citizens. He gave her full access to his gardens, to which the girl was grateful for.

The healer who was hopelessly in love with the famous Hawke. He stayed away as much as he could, praying that these would douse his feelings for her, but alas it only fanned the flames. Every time he saw her his heart thumped in his chest and the relationship only grew more tensioned because of it. His hatred of the Templars grew as well do to his increasing paranoia and he became more bold causing his friends to worry for his safety. Hawke eventually convinced him to tone things down, but the rage quelled inside him was waiting to surface, as well as he passion for the woman.

The beardless dwarf and Hawke's dearest friend spent his time running the Merchant's Guild, but never showed up to the meetings required for doing so. He still kept a strong connection to his wild cousin who was making a name for herself in Orlais (that story is for another time and another hero entirely.) He also was trying to track down his traitorous brother who hid his tracks quite well due his connections to the vengeful Carta and it's leader Dougal, who was on a warpath against Hawke.

And finally the hero herself Hawke... She quickly rose through the ranks of nobility and becoming a favorite of the Viscount, though to her chagrin she had little to no influence in Kirkwall's politics. She also took on many lovers (of different genders, never Isabela, to her disappointment), but never married any of them, a fact which worried her mother greatly. She still always carried a torch for a certain healer of Darktown…


End file.
